Basics From the Barracks
Military Etiquette and Protocol
A Spouse’s Quick Reference to its Unique
Customs, Courtesies, and Traditions
1
BASICS FROM THE BARRACKS
— MILITARY ETIQUETTE AND PROTOCOL
A SPOUSE’S QUICK REFERENCE TO ITS
UNIQUE CUSTOMS, COURTESIES, AND TRADITIONS
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FOREWORD
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INTRODUCTION
Each year at the United States Army War College (USAWC), the spouses
of the students are given the opportunity to par cipate in a class
project. For the past years, spouse commi ees have chosen to write
handbooks regarding informa on per nent to spouses and family
members in the Armed Forces.
It has been our privilege to con nue the tradi on of the spouse project
by crea ng a guide to military protocol and e que e. This is the
culmina on of both fact and reference material as well as experience
and knowledge of a commi ee of senior military spouses. Although
the commi ee a empted to broaden our scope to generally apply to
the military as opposed to a par cular branch and touch on per nent
topics to this technological genera on, it cannot be denied that an Army
“old school” tradi onal slant is evident. Throughout this guide, there
are boxed references to provide a historical context for many of these
subjects in order to further appreciate our unique military tradi ons and
customs.
There are many wonderful defi ni ve resources upon which spouses can
rely. In fact, instead of reinven ng, we started with a chapter from the
Company Commander’s Ba le Book updated in 2010, with a dis nctly
diff erent mission. So, you will see many verba m references with
enhancements and addi ons to support the purpose of this document is
to provide a quick reference guide to many of the common areas which
aff ect military spouses. Interest in the detailed aspects should check our
resource guide.
These spouses from the AWC 2010-2011 supported this eff ort:
Shelle Al eri, Team Leader
Terry Drushal
Patricia Hanley
Kathy Harlan
Intan Zakaria
Nahid Kabir
Lisa Vereen
Relisa Wilson
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With the importance of the joint and interna onal environment, we feel
it is important to include basic informa on about interna onal customs
and e que e. Several Interna onal Fellows (IF) student spouses
generously completed ques onnaires and provided their personal
thoughts and experiences in their own words to help American spouses
learn more about their country’s customs and courtesies. These IF
student spouses supported this eff ort:
Sabah Smahi, Algeria
Aneliya Hristora, Bulgaria
Rhonda Macaulay, Canada
Monica Hernandez, Chile
Besy de Campos, El Salvador
Ida Farida, Indonesia
Silvia Longo, Italy
Idogawa Tomomi, Japan
Soyeon Kim, Korea
Intan Zakaria, Malaysia
Loubna Serghini Idrissi, Morocco
Anne e Rietdijk, Netherland
Umran Gor, Turkey
Addi onally, Jack Poe of Air Force Ins tute of Technology (AFIT) and
Lisa Lawrence provided useful informa on and guidance as to the most
current protocol guidelines. Finally, we wish to thank the support of the
command team spouses, the staff of the Military Family Program, and
the director of the Interna onal Fellows Spouse Program as well as the
solid base provided by the AWC 09-10 Spouses Project Team.
Finally, we wish to thank the support of the command team spouses,
the AWC Military Family Program and the graphics and publishing staff ,
the director of the Interana onal Fellows Spouse Program as well as the
solid base provided by the AWC 09-10 Spouses Project Team.
Nothing is less important than which fork you use. E que e is the
science of living. It embraces everything. It is ethics. It is honor.
Emily Post
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
ETIQUETTE VERSUS PROTOCOL .................................................... 8
ETIQUETTE ...................................................................... 8
MILITARY ETIQUETTE ....................................................... 8
PROTOCOL ...................................................................... 8
BASIC TRAINING .......................................................................... 9
RANK ............................................................................... 9
PRECEDENCE ..................................................................11
FORMS OF ADDRESS .......................................................11
ROSTERS ........................................................................12
INTRODUCTIONS AND NAMETAGS .................................13
CORSAGES ......................................................................13
OTHER COURTESIES ........................................................14
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, NATIONAL ANTHEM,
AND THE ARMY SONG ....................................................14
BUGLE CALLS ..................................................................16
FLAG ETIQUETTE ............................................................17
HOW TO DISPLAY THE AMERICAN FLAG ..........................18
WHEN TO DISPLAY THE FLAG ..........................................22
SERVICE BANNERS ..........................................................24
MEDAL OF HONOR RECIPIENTS.......................................26
INVITATIONS ...............................................................................27
SENDING AN INVITATION................................................27
FORMAT FOR AN INVITATION .........................................27
OTHER IMPORTANT INFORMATION ................................27
AN EXAMPLE OF AN INVITATION ....................................28
CONSIDERATION FOR CHILDREN .....................................29
UNANSWERED R.S.V.P.’S ................................................29
ANNOUNCEMENTS .........................................................29
ELECTRONIC INVITATIONS...............................................29
RECEIVING INVITATIONS .................................................30
RESPONDING TO AN INVITATION ....................................31
COMMUNICATION AND CORRESPONDENCE ...............................31
THANK YOU NOTES ........................................................32
CALLING CARDS ..............................................................32
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ATTENDING EVENTS....................................................................35
AT TIRE ............................................................................35
COMING AND GOING .....................................................37
RECEIVING LINES ............................................................37
TOASTING ......................................................................39
BLESSINGS ......................................................................39
GIFT GIVING ...................................................................39
RECIPROCITY ..................................................................40
MILITARY FUNCTIONS/CEREMONIES ...........................................41
PARADES and REVIEWS ..................................................41
PROMOTION AND AWARD CEREMONIES ........................41
CHANGE OF COMMAND OR
RESPONSIBILITY CEREMONIES ........................................42
RETIREMENT CEREMONIES .............................................43
MEMORIALS ...................................................................43
SOCIAL EVENTS ...........................................................................45
COFFEE ...........................................................................45
DINING IN ......................................................................46
DINING OUT ...................................................................46
FORMAL BALLS ...............................................................47
PROMOTION PARTY .......................................................47
NEW YEAR’S DAY/HOLIDAY RECEPTION...........................47
THANKSGIVING DINNER AT THE DINING FACILITY ...........48
CHANGE OF COMMAND RECEPTIONS .............................49
SPOUSE WELCOMES AND FAREWELLS ............................49
TEAS ...............................................................................50
UNIT HAIL & FAREWELLS (UNIT PARTIES) ........................52
ENTERTAINING ...........................................................................53
PARTY PLANNING CHECKLIST ..........................................53
TABLE SEATING ...............................................................55
TABLE SETTING ...............................................................56
HOSTING A COFFEE ........................................................59
TECH ETIQUETTE .............................................................60
CELL PHONE ....................................................................60
EMAIL ............................................................................61
SOCIAL MEDIA ................................................................61
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PERSPECTIVES ON INTERNATIONAL ETIQUETTE ......................... 64
ALGERIA ........................................................................ 64
BULGARIA ..................................................................... 68
CANADA ........................................................................ 69
CHILE............................................................................. 70
EL SALVADOR ................................................................ 72
INDONESIA .................................................................... 73
ITALY ............................................................................. 75
JAPAN ........................................................................... 76
KOREA ........................................................................... 77
MALAYSIA ..................................................................... 78
MOROCCO .................................................................... 80
NETHERLAND ................................................................ 81
TURKEY ......................................................................... 82
RESOURCES ............................................................................... 84
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ETIQUETTE VERSUS PROTOCOL
Basic good manners and common courtesies serve you well in all
aspects of life. They make people feel at ease with you, with themselves,
and with the situa on, and allow everyone to have a basic idea of what
to expect.
As military spouses, we a end a variety of social and unique military
events. Primarily for us it is a combina on of military tradi ons,
e que e and common sense. This guidance creates a system of
accepted social pa erns so that we know what to expect in a given
situa on. Knowing these general guidelines can help you feel more
comfortable in the many social and military related situa ons, which
you may choose to a end. And, if you are a senior spouse, other
spouses may look to you for cues and examples of how to handle certain
situa ons….do I sit or stand, etc.
ETIQUETTE
E que e is defi ned as ―the forms required by good breeding, social
conven ons, or prescribed by authority, to be observed in social or
offi cial se ngs; the rules of decorum….of graciousness. E que e
means good manners in our daily life. In our cases, it means knowing
the appropriate a re to wear to various events, how to send invita ons,
and what to bring for your host and/or hostess. More importantly,
good e que e is simply to treat people the way you would want to be
treated. It involves the amount of respect you give someone, no ma er
their rank or standing in life.
MILITARY ETIQUETTE
Military E que e is the everyday good manners along with the customs,
courtesies, and tradi ons of the diff erent services.
PROTOCOL
Protocol is the strict form of e que e and diploma c courtesy, customs
of service (system of accepted social pa erns and tradi ons accepted by
the military) and common courtesies (the traits of kindness, friendliness,
though ulness and considera on of others) to create order. They let us
know what to expect in a given situa on.
9
BASIC TRAINING
RANK
10
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PRECEDENCE
Precedence is basically a priority in order. For the military, this is
primarily shown in rank; however, it can be very important to sea ng
arrangements, receiving lines, introduc ons, and so on. Offi cial
precedence will likely be handled by your unit Adjutant or Protocol
Offi ce.
FORMS OF ADDRESS
Forms of Address will vary depending upon the situa on and
purpose (i.e., offi cial or social invita on, place card, introduc on,
or conversa on.) Invita ons are discussed below. For detailed
informa on, two excellent resources are: Protocol by McCaff ree and
Innis and Honor and Respect by Hickey.
For Invita ons
The military member being invited in an offi cial capacity is listed fi rst:
Major Mary Jane Doe and Colonel John Doe
or
Major Mary Jane Doe
and Colonel John Doe
Both military members invited in an offi cial capacity - higher rank fi rst:
Captain John Doe and Lieutenant Jane Doe
or
Captain John Doe
and Lieutenant Jane Doe
Female military member and civilian husband:
Major Mary Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
or
Major Mary Jane Doe
and Mr. John Doe
If wife is civilian and retained her maiden name:
Captain John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith
or
Captain John Doe
and Ms. Jane Smith
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Military members are both of the same rank:
The Captains John and Jane Doe
or
Captain Jane Doe
and Captain John Doe
Two diff erent last names:
Captain John Doe and Jane Deer
or
Captain John Doe
and Jane Deer
Re red:
Colonel Robert W. Thompson, USA, Re red
Divorced from husband: Mrs. Jane Doe
Widow: Mrs. John Doe
ROSTERS
There are numerous rosters within a unit. Each serves the same
purpose: to contact people and pass informa on. However, each roster
will have diff erent informa on and diff erent people depending on the
type of roster. The most common kinds of rosters that a spouse may be
familiar with are: the Social Roster, the FRG Chain of Concern, the Unit
Coff ee Roster.
The Social Roster lists phone numbers and addresses of all
senior personnel (usually offi cer and NCO specifi c) within the
unit. Inclusion on the roster and to par cular events is at the
discre on of the command team and, some mes, their spouses.
This roster is created by the Adjutant and usually provides the
Soldier‘s name; the spouse‘s name; birth month/birth day;
address; phone numbers; and arrival date to the unit.
The Family Readiness Group (FRG) Chain of Concern lists the
phone numbers, emails, and addresses of all the members
within the unit‘s FRG. This list is used for offi cial contact and
dissemina on of informa on. The FRG Chain of Concern is made
from this master list.
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The Coff ee Roster lists all the members of the Coff ee group
and includes phone numbers, addresses, emails, birthdays, and
anniversaries. Only the members of the coff ee group receive this
roster.
INTRODUCTIONS AND NAMETAGS
The three basic rules to introduc ons are:
Woman’s name fi rst: Men are introduced to women by sta ng
the woman‘s name fi rst.
Older person’s name fi rst: When two people are of the same
sex, the younger adult is introduced to the older adult by sta ng
the older person‘s name fi rst.
Senior offi cer’s name fi rst: Junior offi cers are introduced to
senior offi cers by sta ng the senior offi cer‘s name fi rst; the
same for senior offi cer‘s spouse.
If you are nervous about introducing someone, if you forgot names,
politely ask for the person(s) to repeat their name. This is certainly not
a reason to avoid conversa on. For more informa on , please see the
Forms of Address sec on.
You should always address senior offi cers and their spouses as ―LTC
Smith or ―Mr./Mrs. Smith un l they ask you to do otherwise. If he/she
desires that you call him/her by his/her fi rst name, he/she will tell you.
Do not take the liberty un l then. If you are asked to use a fi rst name, it
is polite to do so.
Nametags are used for many occasions and are worn on the right side
(the side with which you shake hands. This makes it easy for the person
shaking hands to subtly look at your name.)
CORSAGES
It generally does not ma er the side on which the lapel corsage is worn;
however, the “fl owers go the way they grow” with the stems on the
bo om and the fl owers on the top.
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OTHER COURTESIES
Normally smoking and chewing gum are inappropriate at military or
social events.
When entering a Military Installa on:
When entering or leaving an installa on with a guarded gate at
night, dim your headlights 50 feet before the gate so you will
not temporarily blind the gate guard.
If you or a guest does not have a DOD ID Card, you will be asked
to provide a picture ID.
If your car does not have a DOD s cker and the driver does
not have a DOD ID Card, you will be asked to go to the search
area where you will need to provide your driver’s license,
car registra on, and proof of insurance. You will be asked
to get out of the vehicle, open all doors, trunks, and engine
compartments, and step to the side while your car is searched.
Even with a DOD s cker, you are s ll subject to random
searches.
Although speed limits vary on posts of diff erent sizes, it is
important to note that the speed limit in residen al areas is 15
mph.
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, NATIONAL ANTHEM, AND THE ARMY SONG
It is customary to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance and
Na onal Anthem.
Outside, place your hand on your heart. Inside, you can either
place your hand over your heart, have your hands at your
sides, or behind your back. Civilian gentlemen should remove
headgear in both cases. Outside rules apply if the ceremony
is moved indoors because of weather or security. This may be
noted in the program or by the announcer.
One should not smoke, eat, chew gum, drink, use your cell
phone, read or otherwise occupy themselves while the Anthem
is playing.
Generally speaking, the Na onal Anthem should be performed
in the tradi onal manner in order to allow other U.S. Ci zens
to sing along should they so desire. Although not required,
depending upon the solemnity of the occasion, it is appropriate
to sing along.
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It is appropriate to stand for the anthems of other countries
represented as a sign of respect.
Stand for: Ruffl es & Flourishes (when General is present, the
band plays it once for each star he/she has); To the Colors
(Na onal Anthem), and Colors Pass in Review.
Don‘t forget that you will need to stand when the colors are six
paces to your right, in front of you and for the six paces to your
le , then you may sit as the colors pass in review.
Stand when the unit plays the Division, and/or Army song. You
can usually fi nd the words to both in the event program. It is
encouraged to learn and sign proudly your unit song.
The fi rst verse and the refrain of The Army Song are listed below.
THE ARMY SONG, 1956
First Chorus:
First to fi ght for the right,
And to build the Na on‘s might,
And the Army Goes Rolling Along.
Proud of all we have done,
Figh ng ll the ba le‘s won,
And the Army Goes Rolling Along.
Refrain:
Then it‘s hi! Hi! Hey!
The Army‘s on it way.
Count off the cadence loud and strong;
For where‘er we go,
You will always know
That the Army Goes Rolling Along.
You will o en hear the playing of “The Army
Song”, a tradi on added fairly recently. It is
derived from the Field Ar llery song “The Caissons
Go Rolling Along” wri en during World War I by
two Field Ar llery soldiers.
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BUGLE CALLS
Bugle calls are musical signals that announce scheduled and certain
non-scheduled events on some military installa ons. Although the exact
me might vary, typically, they include:
Monday thru Friday-
6:00am or 6:30am is ― Reveille. This call marks the raising of the
fl ag and the beginning of the workday.
8:00am is ―Work Call. This call marks the start of the work day.
1:00pm is ― Work Call. This call marks the return to work a er
lunch.
4:30 pm is ―Recall.
5:00 pm is ― Retreat and To the Colors. This call signifi es the
lowering of the fl ag and the offi cial end of the workday.
O en a canon will sound in between these two calls.
9:00 pm is ―Ta oo. This call means quiet or lights out.
11:00pm is ―Taps. This call means lights out.
Saturday-
12:00pm is ―Mess Call
5:00pm is ―Retreat and To the Colors
9:00 pm is ―Ta oo
11:00pm is ―Taps
Sunday-
9:00am is ―Church Call
5:00 pm is ―Retreat and To the Colors
11:00pm is ―Taps
During Retreat, if you are outside, stand quietly at a en on
facing the fl ag or music. During Reveille and To the Colors, place
your hand over heart or salute if in uniform. Children should
also stop playing and observe the custom of the ceremony.
During Reveille and Retreat, the rules vary depending upon the
installa on, but if you are in a car and will not impede the fl ow
of traffi c, you should stop, get out, and stand as above. If there
are children in the car, use your judgment based upon their
ages.
On Navy and Air Force bases you are only required to stop the
car and remain seated.
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Addi onally, the mes of certain bugle calls may vary based
upon the installa on. Check with your unit protocol offi ce for
more informa on.
It is customary and respec ul to stand for Foreign Country
Anthems but do not salute Foreign Flags.
FLAG ETIQUETTE
Federal law s pulates many aspects of fl ag e que e. The sec on of
law dealing with American Flag e que e is generally referred to as the
Flag Code. A great resource on Flag E que e is Independence Hall
Associa on at www.ushistory.org . Some general guidelines from the
Flag Code answer many of the most common ques ons:
The US fl ag should never touch the ground. Fold it properly and
store it properly.
The fl ag should be lighted at all mes, either by sunlight or by an
appropriate light source. Otherwise, it should be taken down
prior to sunset.
The fl ag should be fl own in fair weather, unless the fl ag is
designed for inclement weather use.
The fl ag should never be dipped to any person or thing. It is
fl own upside down only as a distress signal.
The fl ag should not be used for any decora on in general.
Bun ng of blue, white and red stripes is available for these
purposes. The blue stripe of the bun ng should be on the top.
The fl ag should never be used for any adver sing purpose. It
should not be embroidered, printed or otherwise impressed
on such ar cles as cushions, handkerchiefs, napkins, boxes,
or anything intended to be discarded a er temporary use.
Adver sing signs should not be a ached to the staff or halyard.
The bugle called retreat was fi rst used by
the French army and is said to go back to the
me of the Crusades. “Retraite”(we now call
that”retreat”) signifi ed the closing in of night and
signaled the sentries to start challenging to main-
tain their security watch un l reveille the next
morning.
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Wearing the American fl ag is disrespec ul as a cloth print. The
wearing of an actual American Flag is considered improper in
all circumstances. This includes draping it over oneself. The fl ag
should not be used as part of a costume or athle c uniform,
except that a fl ag patch may be used on the uniform of military
personnel, fi reman, policeman and members of patrio c
organiza ons.
The fl ag should never have any mark, insignia, le er, word,
number, fi gure, or drawing of any kind placed on it, or a ached
to it.
The fl ag should never be used for receiving, holding, carrying, or
delivering anything.
When the fl ag is lowered, no part of it should touch the ground
or any other object; it should be received by wai ng hands
and arms. To store the fl ag it should be folded neatly and
ceremoniously.
The fl ag should be cleaned and mended when necessary.
When a fl ag is so worn it is no longer fi t to serve as a symbol
of our country, it should be destroyed by burning in a dignifi ed
manner. It is more respec ul to take down a torn fl ag than
it is to keep fl ying. The proper disposal of the American fl ag
is to burn it! The American Legion, Veterans of Foreign Wars,
Disabled American Veterans Organiza ons, and a local Boy or
Girl Scout Troop will facilitate this should a ci zen so choose.
The fl ag should not be thrown in the garbage.
HOW TO DISPLAY THE AMERICAN FLAG
Rules compiled by the Independence Hall Associa on (h p://www.
ushistory.org/betsy/fl age q.html) are:
1. When the fl ag is displayed over the middle of the
street, it should be suspended ver cally with the union
to the north in an east and west street or to the east in
a north and south street.
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2. The fl ag of the United States of America, when it is
displayed with another fl ag against a wall from crossed
staff s, should be on the right, the fl ag’s own right [that
means the viewer’s le --Webmaster], and its staff
should be in front of the staff of the other fl ag.
3. The fl ag, when fl own at half-staff , should be fi rst
hoisted to the peak for an instant and then lowered
to the half-staff posi on. The fl ag should be again
raised to the peak before it is lowered for the day. By
“half-staff ” is meant lowering the fl ag to one-half the
distance between the top and bo om of the staff .
Crepe streamers may be affi xed to spear heads or fl agstaff s in a parade
only by order of the President of the United States.
4. When fl ags of States, ci es, or locali es, or pennants
of socie es are fl own on the same halyard with the fl ag
of the United States, the la er should always be at the
peak. When the fl ags are fl own from adjacent staff s,
the fl ag of the United States should be hoisted fi rst and
lowered last. No such fl ag or pennant may be placed above the fl ag of
the United States or to the right of the fl ag of the United States (the
viewer’s le ). When the fl
ag is half-masted, both fl ags are half-masted,
with the US fl ag at the mid-point and the other fl ag below.
5. When the fl ag is suspended over a sidewalk from
a rope extending from a house to a pole at the edge
of the sidewalk, the fl ag should be hoisted out, union
fi rst, from the building.
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6. When the fl ag of the United States is displayed from
a staff projec ng horizontally or at an angle from the
window sill, balcony, or front of a building, the union of
the fl ag should be placed at the peak of the staff unless
the fl ag is at half-staff .
7. When the fl ag is used to cover a casket, it should be
so placed that the union is at the head and over the le
shoulder. The fl ag should not be lowered into the grave
or allowed to touch the ground.
8. When the fl ag is displayed in a manner other
than by being fl own from a staff , it should be
displayed fl at, whether indoors or out. When
displayed either horizontally or ver cally against
a wall, the union should be uppermost and to
the fl ag’s own right, that is, to the observer’s le . When displayed in a
window it should be displayed in the same way, that is with the union
or blue fi eld to the le of the observer in the street. When festoons,
rose es or drapings are desired, bun ng of blue, white and red should
be used, but never the fl ag.
9. That the fl ag, when carried in a
procession with another fl ag, or fl ags, should be either on the marching
right; that is, the fl ag’s own right, or, if there is a line of other fl ags, in
front of the center of that line.
10. The fl ag of the United States of America should be at
the center and at the highest point of the group when a
number of fl ags of States or locali es or pennants of
socie es are grouped and displayed from staff s.
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11. When fl ags of two or more na ons are displayed,
they are to be fl own from separate staff s of the same
height. The fl ags should be of approximately equal
size. Interna onal usage forbids the display of the
fl ag of one na on above that of another na on in
me of peace. The order of precedence for fl ags generally is Na onal
fl ags (US fi rst, then others in alphabe cal order in English), State (host
state fi rst, then others in the order of admission) and territories
(Washington DC, Puerto Rico, etc.), Military (Army, Marine Corps, Navy,
Air Force, Coast Guard), then other.
12. When displayed from a staff in a church or
public auditorium on or off a podium, the fl ag of the United States of
America should hold the posi on of superior prominence, in advance of
the audience, and in the posi on of honor at the clergyman’s or
speaker’s right as he faces the audience. Any other fl ag so displayed
should be placed on the le of the clergyman or speaker (to the right of
the audience). Please note that the old guidelines diff ered from this
updated and simplifi ed one.
13. When the fl ag is displayed on a car, the staff
shall be fi xed fi rmly to the chassis or clamped to the right fender.
14. When hung in a window, place the blue union in
the upper le , as viewed from the street
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WHEN TO DISPLAY THE FLAG
Sec on 6d of the Flag Code states:
The fl ag should be displayed on all days, especially on:
• New Year’s Day, Jan. 1
• Inaugura on Day, Jan. 20
• Mar n Luther King Jr.’s birthday, 3rd Monday in Jan.
• Lincoln’s Birthday, Feb. 12
• Washington’s Birthday, 3rd Monday in Feb.
• Easter Sunday (variable)
• Mother’s Day, 2nd Sunday in May
• Armed Forces Day, 3rd Saturday in May
• Memorial Day, last Monday in May, (half-staff un l noon)
• Flag Day, June 14
• Father’s Day, 3rd Sunday in June
• Independence Day, July 4
• Na onal Korean War Veterans Armis ce Day, July 27
• Labor Day, 1st Monday in Sept.
• Cons tu on Day, Sept. 17
• Columbus Day, 2nd Monday in Oct.
• Navy Day, Oct. 27
• Veterans Day, Nov. 11
• Thanksgiving Day, 4th Thursday in Nov.
• Christmas Day, Dec. 25
• and such other days as may be proclaimed by the President of
the United States
• the birthdays of States (date of admission)
• and on State holidays
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Half-Staff the Flag on these Days:
• May 15 — Peace Offi cers Memorial Day: half-staff from sunrise
to sunset
• Last Monday in May — Memorial Day: the fl ag should be
displayed at half-staff un l noon
• September 11 — Patriot Day: half-staff from sunrise to sunset
• First Sunday in October — Start of Fire Preven on Week: half-
staff from sunrise to sunset. See Public Law 107-51
• December 7 — Na onal Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day: half-
staff from sunrise to sunset
• Upon reliable informa on that a past or present President, Vice-
President, Chief Jus ce, or Speaker of the House has died
• Upon Presiden al proclama on or proclama on from your
state’s governor
(This material is copyright by, and used with permission of, the
Independence Hall Association, on the web at ushistory.org.)
The “Colors” (US fl ag and regimental fl ag) are
carried by color bearers (NCOs today). The color
Guards “protect” the fl ags. Tradi onally, when
soldiers did not have uniforms, the Regimental
Colors were the only means of iden fying who
was fi gh ng whom.
24
SERVICE BANNERS
Blue Star Service Banner: Service Banners, some mes called Blue Star
Flags, have long been a part of our war me history. They have been
hung in the family’s windows of service men and women since World
War I. These banners fi rst became a way for households to indicate they
have family members in the service in 1917. At that me, World War I
Army Capt. Robert L. Queissner designed this symbol in honor of his two
sons who were serving on the front line. It quickly became tradi onal
for a gold star to represent a soldier who had died serving his country.
Theodore Roosevelt’s family had a banner with a gold star in honor of
their son who was shot down over France in 1918. This tradi on was
most common during WWI and WWII though it has been carried out by
some in more recent wars. The stars are placed on a white background
with a red border. If a family has more than one person in the armed
service, the stars are put one below the next on the banner.
25
Silver Star Banner: The Silver Star Flag and Banner are symbols of
remembrance and honor for those wounded or incurring illnesses
during combat while honorably serving in the United States Armed
Forces. It may be displayed or fl own at any me, not just war me, and by
families as well as the wounded and ill service members. The Silver Star
Service Flag may be fl own by anyone in remembrance of our wounded,
ill and dying during peace or war me. This banner was added a er the
Iraq confl ict.
Gold Star Banner: It quickly became tradi onal for a gold star to
represent a soldier who had died serving his country. Theodore
Roosevelt’s family had a banner with a gold star in honor of their son
who was shot down over France in 1918. When a soldier dies in ac on,
the blue star is replaced with a gold star. Another method is to put a
smaller gold star on top of the blue star so the blue s ll surrounds the
gold. These banners are usually hung inside a window; however there
are full service star banner fl ags now available. If you decide to hang a
full fl ag with a service star, it should be hung on the right side of your
home. Therefore, as you look at your home, you would then see your
service star fl ag on the right side and your American Flag hung on the
le side of your home.
26
MEDAL OF HONOR RECIPIENTS
The Medal of Honor is the highest military decora on awarded by
the United States government. It is bestowed on a member of the
United States armed forces who dis nguishes himself “conspicuously
by gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the
call of duty while engaged in an ac on against an enemy of the United
States”. The wearer of this medal is held in the highest regard and it is
customary for all ranks to salute a recipient, regardless of the recipient’s
rank. Addi onally, wearers of the Medal of Honor are always saluted
before others. Medal of Honor recipients are presented their own fl ag
as well.
27
INVITATIONS
SENDING AN INVITATION
Invita ons can be formal, informal, or casual. They may be extended
by wri en note, email, in person, by telephone, or sent through
distribu on. Only the names of the people on the invita on are invited.
FORMAT FOR AN INVITATION
For coff ee, tea, luncheon, brunch, recep on, cocktails, buff et or seated
dinner invita ons, basic invita ons should always include:
Host/Hostess: Main body of the invita on
Date: (Day of the Week and Date) in main body of invita on
Time: Main body of invita on (informal invite can be wri en in
numeral form, whereas formal invites need me to be wri en
out). Consider audience if you choose to use the 24 hour me
format.
Place: Main body of the invita on. Include an address that a
GPS would recognize.
A re: Bo om right corner of the invita on; (casual, informal,
semi-formal, formal, or specifi c dress guidelines, such as area/
themed- i.e., Backyard BBQ ―wear that denim!)
Extra notes: Bo om right corner of the invita on; (these might
include no cameras permi ed, gi table for the recipients of the
func on, etc.)
R.s.v.p. and mode of response : Bo om le corner of the
invita on; (you can use R.s.v.p. or Regrets only)
Cost: Bo om le corner under the R.s.v.p. of the invita on (if
there is a cost associated with the func on)
OTHER IMPORTANT INFORMATION
See Forms of Address sec on.
Use Mrs. and then full name of husband, such as Mrs. John
Smith for that signifi es that she is married to John Smith; using
Mrs. Jane Smith can signify that her husband has passed away
or she is divorced.
Avoid ini als and abbrevia ons. Excep ons: Mr., Mrs., Dr.,
or Captain J. Paul Doe (if an ini al is used in place of a fi rst or
middle name).
Write full tles, ranks, and names. Example: Private First Class,
Staff Sergeant, Master Sergeant, etc.
28
Dates and hours are spelled out on formal invita ons with only
the day and month capitalized. Example: Thursday, the eighth of
May; ―seven-thirty is correct; ―half a er seven (also correct) is
more formal. Include A.M. and P.M. as appropriate unless the
me of day is wri en, such as “in the a ernoon.”
Always send out invita ons so recipients can have them 10-14
days in advance. During the high season of military events, it
is useful to give even more me. If the event is last minute or
rescheduled, it is polite to follow with a phone call if a R.s.v.p. is
required.
Emphasize to your soldier the importance of mely delivery of
invita ons if you send through distribu on.
Use black ink whether professionally printed, electronic, or
handwri en.
INVITATION EXAMPLES
Formal Invita on
Informal Invita on
Announcement
The Commandant,
of the the United States Army War College (or unit),
(Rank and name) and Mrs. (last name)
request the pleasure of your company
at dinner in honor of
the (event/name)
on Thursday, the ninth of June
at fi ve o’clock in the afternoon
at the (location and address, if necessary)
City, State
R.s.v.p. NLT 1 June
(111)111-1111
email: Coat & Tie
LTC and Mrs.(last name)
announce his
Assumption of Command
of the
(Battalion) (Brigade)
(Division)
(Location)
on Thursday, the ninth of June
Bagram, Afghanistan
The (Battalion) invites you
to join us for the Army’s 233rd
birthday celebration!
Who: (Battalion)
What: Army’s 233rd Birthday Celebration
Where: (location)
When: (date and time)
We are excited to see you there!
Cake, Concessions, and Beverages will be available.
R.s.v.p. by date Attire:
POC: 1LT Name at 111.1111 or Military-Duty Uniform
email: Civilian-Business Casual
29
CONSIDERATION FOR CHILDREN
If your inten on is to have a func on that does not include children and
you are concerned that those you are invi ng may not realize this, it is
perfectly acceptable to say so. It is acceptable to note that children are
not invited on the invita on; i.e., ―Adult Only Aff air. Examples may
be ― “Book the babysi er, we‘re having a BBQ!” or “Sorry, we cannot
accommodate children at this event.” Or, you can set an age limit.
Depending upon the event, it is appropriate for the Guest of Honor to
bring a mature child.
If your invita on has an inner envelope, this is the place you indicate all
the people invited to a end (all the children‘s names are placed here if
they are included). Only place the adults on the front mailing envelope.
UNANSWERED R.S.V.P.’S
If some guests have not responded to the invita on, it is appropriate to
call. Do be kind though, there may be extenua ng circumstances or they
may not have received the invita on.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
When there is prior knowledge that family members or guests will not
be able to a end an event, an Announcement of an occasion can be
used to proclaim the good news. These are sent a er the occasion has
occurred.
ELECTRONIC INVITATIONS
Hard copy invita ons are ALWAYS correct and proper. Receiving a hard
copy invita on in the US mail shows eff ort and forethought of the
sender. O en “save the date” emails can be sent out prior to the hard
copy being received. This tradi on may be more appreciated by older
genera ons. However, in our changing world, electronic invita ons and
correspondence are becoming more and more common.
Electronic invita ons are o en sent by email, via an a achment, or
through a website such as evite.com, paperlesspost.com, or for offi cial
use, the Air Forces’ e-invita ons.com (AFIT). Email invita ons require
the same response as any other invita on.
Things to consider before sending out electronic invita ons:
- Your social group should get a consensus (all agree) that sending
out informa on and invita ons via emails or other electronic
means is appropriate with the group.
30
- Be sure you do a test email so you are aware that all members
are included and their addresses are correct.
- Blind Carbon Copy (BCC) members so their addresses are not
visible to other group members/invitees.
- Depending on the func on/occasion, a good rule of thumb is to
send the invita on to the spouses 2 levels up and 1 level down.
- Spouses of service members, as well as the service members,
should receive the invita on electronically if they are included in
the invita on.
Advantages of Electronic Invita ons:
- Quick: ge ng informa on or invita ons out is almost
instantaneous; no wai ng for the mailman.
- Easy and convenient.
- Cost-effi cient, no sta onery or postage costs.
Disadvantages of Electronic Invita ons:
- ACCESS: some people may not use email or have good access to
email if they do not have a computer or internet in their home.
- Email addresses may be incorrect or misspelled.
- Email may go into the group member/invitee’s spam folder
without your or their knowledge.
- Some email addresses, like AKO, o en strip a achments from
emails, or can’t be used with evites.com.
- Some computer systems are not compa ble so downloading
a achments, invita ons or fl yers is impossible.
RECEIVING INVITATIONS
In the course of your military life, you will receive many invita ons. At
mes, you will fi nd that an invita on will confl ict with another obliga on
or interest. Keeping a few main points in mind will help you avoid
misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
When it comes to deciding which func ons to a end, you should
consider two things:
1. Your Family. Keeping your family strong enhances the overall
readiness of the military.
2. Your Extended Family. This o en involves your “military family.”
Family Readiness Group mee ngs, Hail and Farewells, and
spouses’ coff ees are usually held monthly and probably will be
your next priority. These get-togethers are opportuni es for you
31
to get to know other people in the unit. Friendships formed at
these func ons will closely unite you with other spouses and
provide lifelong rela onships through shared experiences of
military assignments and deployments.
RESPONDING TO AN INVITATION
“R.s.v.p.” is a French abbrevia on meaning “Répondez s’il
vous plaît.” It means reply, if you please, and requires a “yes”
or “no” response. Addi onally, it is properly abbreviated as
“R.s.v.p.” to mirror the phrase it represents….not “R.S.V.P..”
“Regrets only” means to reply only if you are not able to a end.
Answer yes or no within 24-48 hours a er receiving the
invita on or by the reply to date. The host/hostess needs
to know how many people will a end so he/she can shop
accordingly, or add more guests if there is enough room.
Contact is impera ve, whether yes, no, or unsure. If you are
unsure, you will have to ask if your ― R.s.v.p. deadline can be
extended. If you are having trouble giving a response within this
me frame, call the hostess (or host) to regret and explain your
situa on. The hostess (host) will then have the op on to accept
your response or extend your deadline.
No excuse need be given for being unable to a end, except as
noted above.
“To remind” is usually hand wri en a er striking out “R.s.v.p.”
on one of the invita ons and sent to a guest of honor a er a
telephonic confi rma on of availability.
Only those named on the invita on should a end.
No children or house guests should a end, nor should you ask if
they might a end, unless specifi cally invited. When you regret
because of houseguests, the host or hostess may extend the
invita on to include them. YOU MAY NOT ASK!
Formal invita ons may not have “R.s.v.p.” or “Regrets Only”
on the invita on. You are expected to a end! Example: New
Year’s Day Recep on. (This is the duty for the soldier to a end
and “expected” that the spouse will also a end with the service
member.)
If you a end the dinner party and you recognize that you will
have an allergic reac on to the type of food being served, be
courteous to the host/hostess and explain. This ensures that the
hostess (or host) is not embarrassed by the presump on that
you do not like her (his) cooking!
32
Helpful Hint- It is a good idea to tape the invita on to the phone
you use the most if you cannot R.s.v.p. when you open it. You
will not forget to R.s.v.p. later! Put the address and phone
number as well as the me on your calendar.
COMMUNICATION AND CORRESPONDENCE
THANK YOU NOTES
A thank you can be a mailed note, phone call, or a thank you at the door,
depending on the occasion. An e-mail is also appropriate if you know
the host/hostess uses their e-mail regularly. Regardless of how you do it,
a personal thank you is always appreciated.
**Rule of thumb: “If you eat and/or drink at someone’s home, or at
their expense, say “thank you.”
Promptness is important, usually within 24-48 hours, but it is never
too late to thank anyone. Try to get in the habit of wri ng a thank you
before you go to bed the same night. You will s ll be thankful then!
Some guidelines to follow are:
Address thank-you notes to the hostess (host) only.
Sign it from yourself. If you are wri ng as a couple, refer to the
other person in the note. For example, “John and I had such a
great me” or “John joins me in thanking you.” Tradi onally, the
wife would write and send the note if both a ended.
Specifi cally men on something special about the evening,
dinner, gi , etc.
**Your expression of apprecia on and promptness are what really
ma er, not how well you follow the rules!
CALLING CARDS
Calling Cards are a tradi on da ng back to the Victorian era when
introduc ons, invita ons, and visits were an integral part of society. See
the historical reference below.
33
Though no longer a social necessity, they are making a comeback of
sorts and appreciated for the courtesy and tradi on that they off er.
Sizes of and Wording of Cards:
The size of the card can vary on the service, male or female, military
versus civilian, and the length of name and tle. For specifi c sizes and
wording, refer to McCarff ree’s and Innis’ Protocol and The Army Wife
Handbook, although full and formal names are most appropriate.
“Formal Calls” (AR 605-125) “Failure to pay the civili es
customary in offi cial and polite society is to the prejudice of
the best interests of the service.” The idea of the formal call
to the ac ve duty member’s senior offi cer and “his wife” was
to speed your adjustment to a new duty sta on. This 20-min-
ute visit would help you get “oriented.” Don’t forget to wear
your white gloves and bring your calling card (preferably
embossed). You’ll need only one because you are calling only
on the spouse but the ac ve duty member will need one for
each adult in the home-- but no more than three. If your
ac ve duty member is leaving just one card for the en re
family remember to turn down the top right hand corner of
the calling card.
Mrs. Jayson Allyn Altieri
Jayson Allyn Altieri
Lieutenant Colonel
United States Army
34
Uses of Cards:
In addi on to signifying a call, calling cards can be used as gi
enclosures, invita ons, or notes (draw a line through the engraved name
and write an appropriate note.)
Messages can be wri en or corners folded on calling cards to signify
a message. For example, McCarff ree’s and Innis’ Protocol states “the
following ini als wri en in the lower le corner of the top card (in pencil
if the card is delivered in person or ink if the cards are mailed):”
p.p. (pour presenter) to present, to introduce.
p.f. (pour feliciter) to congratulate.
p.c. (pour condoler) to condole, to express sympathy.
p.r. (pour remercier) to thank.
p.p.c. (pour prendre conge) to take leave, to say goodbye.
p.f.n.a. (Nouvel An) Happy New Year.
p.m. (pour memoire) to remind.
n.b. (nota bene) “Note well,” to call a en on to wri en message
on card.
Addi onally, cards can be folded to signify a message:
A folded top le corner means the visitor came in person; this
corner unfolded means a servant was sent.
A folded bo om le corner signifi es a farewell.
A folded top right corner means congratula ons.
A folded bo om right corner expresses condolence.
Number of Cards to Leave:
A man leaves one card for the man and one card for the wife.
Addi onal cards can be le for other ladies over the age of 18.
A woman leaves one card for each lady in the house over the
age of 18, but never for a man.
Addi onally, calling cards can now be seen in the form of personal cards
when a business card is too business-like to share personal contact
informa on; however, they are not considered interchangeable with
business cards. These are common now and o en very useful as
military families move from place to place and need to exchange contact
informa on to make connec ons for parents or even children.
35
ATTENDING EVENTS
ATTIRE
In “The Army Wife Handbook”, Ann Crossley and Carol A. Keller writes,
If you have ever discovered too late that you wore the
wrong clothes to a party, you KNOW the importance of
learning the meaning of the dress terms commonly used
in Army social circles. For those of you who have found
yourselves in this most embarrassing predicament,
it may be some small consola on to know that you
certainly aren’t the fi rst, nor will you be the last, to
commit such a faux pas.
Unless you know what dress terms mean, it’s easy to make such a
mistake. The fi rst rule to remember is this: If you receive an invita on
and are not certain of the dress requirement, never hesitate to ask the
hostess for more specifi c informa on. The second rule is if you discover
that you’ve worn the wrong type of clothes to a func on, laugh it off
and enjoy the party.
What To Wear There is no single universally applicable answer to this
ques on. The fi ve W’s can help when deciding the most APPROPRIATE
dress for an event:
• Who is hos ng the event? Best friend and/or neighbor or the
commander.
• What is the event? A barbecue or a ball.
• When is it? Generally the later the func on, dressier the aff air.
• Where is it? Coff ee at the bowling alley or at the club.
• Why are we gathering? To make cra s for the bazaar or to honor our
post’s fi rst lady.
Usually the correct dress will be stated on an invita on. If it is not, ask
the hostess when you R.s.v.p. The state of dress will also vary greatly
depending on your post and loca on, size of group, type of unit, etc.
When in doubt, never hesitate to ask your hostess or a senior spouse
what they are planning to wear. Some general guidelines are:
36
Event Service Member Spouse or Guest
Formal -Service Uniform with bow
e or equivalent
-Long or short formal dress (females)
-Tuxedo Tuxedo or Suit w/bow
e(males)
If Service Member is a ending as a guest (not their own unit), then
they may wear “spouse or guest” a re.
Informal
or
Semi-
Formal
-Service Uniform with
four-in-hand e or
equivalent
-”Dressy” dress or suit(females)
-Business (dark) suit (males)
Coat
and Tie/
Business
-Service Uniform with
four-in-hand e or
equivalent
-Dress, suit, or skirt and blouse, but
not as dressy as informal (females)
-Business suit or sport coat and e
(males)
Duty
Uniform
-Combat Uniform or
Flight Suits (whatever the
uniform for that par cular
workday is)
-Slacks, etc.
Casual -Simple dress, skirt and blouse, or dress slacks (females)
-Slacks and open neck shirt (no e) and sport coat or sweater (males)
Very
Casual
Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, etc. (that are appropriate in nature)
Spouse
Events
Coff ees: Simple dress, skirt, slacks and blouse/sweater
(Female). Slacks and shirt (Male).
Luncheons: Dress, suit, skirt and blouse.
Teas: Dressy suit or dress (Female). Business suit (Male).
Tradi onally, this is our dressiest day me func on.
When looking at the chart above, it is useful to remember that there is o en
a mismatch between our interpreta ons of what is appropriate to wear. For
example, although the duty uniform might be appropriate performing du es on
a military installa on, it might seem out of place at a civilian business mee ng or
ceremony. In that instance, the Service Uniform may be a be er choice. Always
err on the side of being more nicely and respec ully dressed.
37
COMING AND GOING
Be on me or slightly late (10 minutes), but NEVER arrive early.
Come as close to the hour as possible.
Call ahead if you want to come early and help.
If you have to be more than 10 minutes late, it is nice to call the
host/hostess to let him/her know. Call earlier in the week/day.
The few minutes prior to invita on me can be hec c for the
host/hostess.
Tradi onally, at offi cial func ons the senior ranking person leaves fi rst.
This is not always necessarily true today; check to fi nd out what is
acceptable. If in doubt, wait!
Do not leave immediately a er dinner (wait at least 30 minutes
for politeness sake).
Do not overstay a welcome.
Say ‘goodnight‘to senior person and the host/hostess.
When you say you are leaving, leave. Do not linger at the door.
RECEIVING LINES
A receiving line is an effi cient and gracious way to allow the honored
guest(s) to meet all guests personally.
Those in the receiving line include: Honored guest(s), guest
speaker, and host/hostess. If there is a red carpet, the receiving
line stands ON the carpet. The recep on line includes the
guests who are going “through” the receiving line.
Place cigare es, drinks, cell phones, headgear, large purses, and
gloves elsewhere while going through the line. O en, there will
be a small table before you get to the recep on area to put your
food or drinks on. If you can discretely hold an evening purse
in your le hand or in the crook of your le arm, you may keep
it with you; although it is preferred that you place your evening
purse at your seat.
The woman preceeds (comes before) the man at Army, Navy,
Coast Guard, and Marine func ons and succeeds (follows) at the
White House and Air Force func ons.
The fi rst person standing next to the receiving line is the
Announcer, usually the Aide or Adjutant. You DO NOT shake
his/her hand because the Announcer is not part of the offi cial
receiving line.
38
The service member gives the Announcer his or her rank
and last name as well as his or her spouse’s or guest fi rst and
last name. For example: Captain and Mrs. Jane Smith. The
Announcer will pass the name to the fi rst person in the receiving
line. It is a good idea to provide your name even if you know
the Announcer.
Speak briefl y to those in line, and then move on through the
line. Delays in the receiving line can cause signifi cant conges on
in the wai ng line.
You may correct a mispronounced name; speak clearly. You may
also repeat your name to members in the receiving line if you
name has not been “passed down.”
If you are a part of a receiving line, you:
o should be unencumbered of purses, gloves, hats, etc.,
o can o en discretely keep a glass of water on a small
table behind you,
o should wear comfortable shoes and be careful not to
lock your knees,
o make eye contact and a exchange a brief gree ng.
TYPICAL RECEIVING LINE
Announcer
Announcer
Guest Flow
Host
Host or
Hostess
Host or
Hostess
Hostess Guest of
Honor
Guest of
Honor
Extra Man
Extra Man
Guest of
Honor
Spouse
Guest of
Honor
Spouse
39
TOASTING
Toas ng is an age-old custom and is an integral part of military
occasions.
It is respec ul to stand and par cipate in the toas ng.
Those who abstain from alcohol may drink water or raise the
wine glass to their lips.
Never drink a toast to yourself; if seated, remain seated.
All toas ng is ini ated by the host, except dining-ins.
BLESSINGS
You may be asked to do the blessing at a luncheon or another spouse
event. Be mindful that we are a diverse military with many diff erent
religions represented. At public events, the chaplain usually states that
those present please bow their heads and pray in their own way while
he/she says a quick prayer. A moment of silence is also appropriate. Try
to keep your prayer non-denomina onal, short and sweet.
GIFT GIVING
When invited to the home of another military member and/or spouse,
it is appropriate to bring a small hostess gi . It sends the message that
you appreciate the invita on.
Some ideas are as follows: bo le of wine, candle, local area delicacy
(i.e. Hershey chocolate from Hershey, PA while at sta oned at
Carlisle Barracks), or homemade jam. If you bring wine, be sure
your host/hostess does drink wine and consider their preference. If
you bring fl owers, consider cultural preferences and bring them so
that the hostess does not have to take me to arrange them.
Your hostess (host) might want to share your though ulness
of consumable gi s that may be shared by all…consider this a
compliment. If it’s from the heart, it has special meaning!
Include a card or note with the gi so the hostess knows who the
giver is.
If possible, the hostess may try to look at the gi during the event
and say thank you; however, thank you notes for a hostess gi are
not required.
Hostess gi s are not required for regularly occurring events
like coff ees, etc. O en, though, the senior spouse will bring a
small token of apprecia on on behalf of all the spouses. It is
recommended that these gi s are all the same to prevent any
appearance of favori sm among group members.
40
When a fellow spouse and/or military couple depart the area due to
PCS or other circumstances, a gi is o en given. However, we must be
mindful that there are policies on gi values. According to Department
of Defense (DoD) Regula on 5500.7-R, DoD employees and soldiers
“may not accept a gi or gi s from a dona ng group if the market value
exceeds an aggregate of $300.” This policy includes group gi s too (i.e.
everyone donated $10). There is also a limit on the value of personal
gi s, as in those given at weddings, baby showers, etc. For those limits,
consult the most recent Army Regula on (AR) 600-50, Standards of
Conduct, paragraph 2-3a. Your spouse’s unit will have the AR on hand.
If you are s ll at a loss, your unit adjutant or protocol offi ce should
be able to guide you. They are a good reference as they will have all
policies governing gi giving at your current duty sta on.
RECIPROCITY
Responsibility versus Obliga on:
Obliga on is a duty- something you must do. Responsibility is something
you should do.
If you accept an invita on, there is the responsibility to reciprocate the
hospitality. Repayment does not have to be in-kind. Again, entertain
within your means and comfort zone. Reciproca on is of kindness
as well as courtesy. Command performance occasions do not need
repayment, such as New Years Day Recep ons, Hails and Farewells, and
formal or group unit func ons.
41
MILITARY FUNCTIONS/CEREMONIES
These special events can inspire patrio sm and pride and are held
for many reasons: changes of command, changes of responsibility,
presenta on of awards and medals, or re rement ceremonies. Certain
tradi ons and courtesies should be observed during the ceremonies.
PARADES AND REVIEWS
“The ceremonial forma on of a body of troops for display of its
condi on, numbers, equipment and profi ciency” and is held to honor
visi ng dignitaries, re ring offi cers, and recipients of awards.
Try to be on me!!
Dress appropriately – usually informal is appropriate and
remember that jeans, shorts, and cut-off s are NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Children may a end if well behaved.
Protocol does not allow dogs, except for service dogs.
Always stand up six (6) paces before and a er the fl ag passes,
even if not announced.
Take your cue from the senior spouses present; they will be in
the fi rst row of sea ng.
PROMOTION AND AWARD CEREMONIES
As the presiding offi cer enters the room and is announced,
everyone present should stand.
When “A en on to Orders” is announced, soldiers rise to
a en on; civilians are not required to stand but, out of courtesy,
should stand as well (at formal ceremonies, such as changes
of command, the direc on, “A en on to Orders,” is usually
omi ed and therefore all remain seated).
For a promo on ceremony, it is customary for the spouse and
children to par cipate by pinning the new rank insignia on one
“Adjutant’s Call” (the call which assembles all
units under their common commander) has
sounded over review fi elds and opened parades
for over 200 years and on the formal invita on to
a review, the Adjutant’s call specifi es the me
you should be in your seat.
42
shoulder (normally the le ) while the presiding offi cer pins on
the right.
A receiving line, and some mes a recep on, will follow.
CHANGE OF COMMAND OR RESPONSIBILITY CEREMONIES
The Change of Command is a ceremony in which a new commander
assumes the authority and responsibility from the outgoing commander.
A Change of Responsibility is a rela vely new addi on in which the
senior Non-Commissioned Offi cer (NCO) changes responsibility from the
old to the new. As the unit handles most of the details, you may want to
discuss with your spouse soldier any addi ons to the invita on list you
would like to add, whether incoming or outgoing.
If you are the outgoing commander’s spouse, review the sea ng chart
prior to the ceremony to be sure all family members and special guests
are accommodated. The outgoing command team and children will
shake hands with a endees immediately following the ceremony in
front of the reviewing stand, but do not a end the recep on. Also, it
is very important to contact the incoming command team spouse as
soon as the replacement is named, to help him/her with the move and
transi on into command. Generally,
You are welcome to a end a change of command ceremony
without a specifi c invita on. However, be aware that a ending
the recep on may require an invita on. If you are unsure, check
with your senior spouse or representa ve.
This is an offi cial func on with a recep on following. See the
SOCIAL EVENTS Sec on for more informa on.
If it is by personal invita on, you should R.s.v.p. as soon as
possible for reserved seats.
Children may a end if well behaved. The unit/host generally
does not invite children to recep ons.
Incoming and Outgoing Spouses stand when receiving fl owers
because it is polite to stand when receiving a gi and guests
want to see the “fi rst spouses” of the unit. So, remember to
stand as soon as you see the service member approaching so
you do not run the risk of colliding.
43
RETIREMENT CEREMONIES
These ceremonies may be held with or without an accompanying parade
or review.
You are to rise when the presiding offi cer enters and is
announced.
As with promo ons and awards, if A en on to Orders (the
reading of the re rement orders) is announced, soldiers will
rise. Out of courtesy, civilians should as well.
For all other por ons, remain seated.
There may be a recep on a erwards. If not, it is customary for
the audience to line up to walk by the re ree and spouse to
shake hands and off er a few words.
Children may be welcome depending upon the formality of the
event.
MEMORIALS
There are two types of Memorials—Service and Ceremony. A Memorial
Service is religiously oriented and voluntary because of its religious
affi lia on. A Memorial Ceremony is a command program with a
ceremonial program and a endance may be mandatory for Service
Members.
The Change of Command Ceremony and Review are steeped in
tradi on. A er the forma on of Troops, the Adjutant commands
“Sound off ” and the band then troops the line. The custom had its
beginning during the crusades, when troops off ering to serve in the
Holy Land stepped forward from the ranks. The musicians marched
around these ranks of volunteers, thus se ng them apart in a place
of honor. The US Army began this tradi on of the band playing for
troops during the Civil War as a means of entertainment.
The Commanding offi cer of troops for the day calls the troops to
a en on, just as in Revolu onary War mes. In George Washington’s
Army, the units were arranged geographically-- the southernmost
states to the right of the line, progressing northward to the le .
Some mes the offi cers will march forward across the fi eld to the
commanding offi cer and then return to their units. This too, had
a purpose 125 years ago. As troops were being dismissed, unit
commanders marched to their commanding offi cer for special or
secret orders.
44
Each installa on and their command will decide whether or not to have
memorials for their fallen heroes. You will be informed by the Senior
Spouse or the chain of command how the command has chosen to
honor the fallen. If the command allows memorials, it will also decide
when and where.
These are some mes held at the main post chapel or theater. In front
of the pews or rows, the unit will have set up an altar of photos of the
fallen placed beside their own ba lefi eld cross. The ba lefi eld cross is
made up of the soldier‘s pair of boots, their rifl e with dog tags hanging
and their Ballis c helmet placed atop the rifl e.
Try to be on me, earlier if possible.
If you are the Commander’s Spouse or representa ve, you will
likely sit on the opposite side of the gold star families; unless
you have been specifi cally asked to sit with them.
Maintain your own composure (try coun ng stained glass panes
or pews) during the service and be prepared for raw emo ons
of those experiencing the loss.
Stand for the 21 gun salute.
A er the service, it is customary that the highest ranking offi cer
in the division to go the altar of photos to render honors with
a salute and usually a division coin will be laid front of each
ba lefi eld cross.
If your Senior Spouse honors the fallen at the altar of photos
a er the service, you may follow her or his lead.
Dress according the solemnity of the occasion; therefore
dress a re is categorized as “Informal” according to the chart
earlier. This means: Service Uniform with four-in-hand e and
appropriate “church wear.”
45
SOCIAL EVENTS
The social aspect of the military is a vital part of our lifestyle. Because
many of us are far from home and family, our military friends o en mes
fi ll that void. Social gatherings in the military are also used to celebrate
successes, bond as a team, boost morale, celebrate fallen heroes, and
foster esprit de corps, as well as to get to know others in the unit that
share your situa on or circumstance. Below are some of the social
func ons you may be invited to a end.
COFFEE
It is important to note that, although some general informa on may be
disseminated at a coff ee, the primary func on is a social one. The offi cial
informa on source for families in a unit is the Family Readiness Group
(FRG).
Coff ees are usually at the Ba alion, Brigade, and Division level and are
typically held monthly to provide an opportunity to greet new arrivals,
to farewell those who are leaving, to become acquainted with other
spouses in the unit, to provide mentorship to junior spouses, and
for general unit, installa on and community informa on. Although
tradi onally, coff ees at this level have been limited to offi cers‘ spouses‘
or E7 and above, some mes the coff ee group is comprised of all ranks
depending upon the size and needs of the unit. Dependent upon the
unit, company level coff ees, may also be held. At this level, typically all
spouses in the unit are invited. It is helpful when the command team
spouses/representa ves work together as a team to organize coff ees.
The senior spouse/representa ve will probably pass around a sign-up
sheet for volunteers to host monthly coff ees. Many mes spouses in
the group will sign up together for a par cular month. Refreshments,
plain or fancy depending on the host/hostess, are typically served. Try
to a end as this is a terrifi c opportunity to meet unit spouses in a casual
atmosphere. Senior spouses o en take a
“standard” hostess gi and write a thank you note on behalf of the
group; therefore, it is not necessary for individual a endees to do either.
Again, this is primarily a social outlet and not to replace the Family
Readiness Group. Dress is also casual unless otherwise noted.
46
DINING IN
As the most formal of events, a Dining In allows offi cers and NCOs of a
unit to celebrate unit successes and to enjoy its tradi ons and heritage.
It is strictly an Offi cer/NCO func on. Spouses are not invited.
DINING OUT
When spouses are invited to a Dining In, it becomes a Dining Out.
This gives the spouses an opportunity to see all the “pomp and
circumstance” that goes with the tradi on. The spouses dress in formal
gowns or tuxedos.
The “coff ee” is steeped in tradi on and dates back to the es-
tablishment of the fi rst military posts when wives of the fron-
er army, who endured many hardships, would get together
for camaraderie and social discourse. The coff ee has evolved in
purpose and func on as well as par cipants. A er World War
II coff ees consisted of primarily offi cers’ wives, in part, because
there were few enlisted soldiers married, but also to allow for
a social outlet with wives in similar circumstances.
The Dining In is derived from the old Viking tradi on
celebra ng ba les and feats of heroism, by a formal
ceremony. This spread to England and became a me-honored
tradi on. During World War II with the proximity of U.S. and
Bri sh troops, American offi cers were exposed to the Dining In
and took it on as their own “func on of unity”.
There are many unique tradi ons in the Dining In/Out.
Mister/Madam Vice (a member of the unit) is responsible
for the evening. Throughout the evening, various members
of the unit may request permission from the Vice, to address
the Mess (o en to report some humorous “infrac on of the
rules” by another member of the unit, for which a small fi ne
is levied). Try to avoid the restroom during dinner. Members
of the unit are not allowed to leave without the Vice’s permis-
sion. Your departure might be no ced and, in fun, noted as an
infrac on of the rules. This is all in the spirit of fun.
47
FORMAL BALLS
Balls are usually held to celebrate special military occasions or a holiday.
Proper dress is a formal gown or tuxedo. If Service Member is
a ending as a guest (not their own unit), then they may wear
“spouse or guest” a re.
On arrival, fi nd your seats on sea ng chart.
Mingle with the other guests.
Visit with your host/hostess/special guest.
At a formal or Dining Out, you will stand for the pos ng and
re ring of the colors (bringing in and taking out of the fl ags).
Stand for the invoca on and toasts (with the excep on of the
toast , “to the ladies” (all ladies, including female soldiers, are
seated) or “to the spouses” (female soldiers will remain standing
and their spouse will be seated).
See informa on on Receiving Lines.
PROMOTION PARTY
A me-honored tradi on is the promo on party that is given by an
offi cer or NCO or a group of people with similar dates of rank, shortly
a er being promoted. It does not have to be a fancy aff air, but it
provides a chance to invite friends and their spouses to share the good
fortune.
NEW YEAR’S DAY/HOLIDAY RECEPTION
The long standing Army tradi on of a commander-hosted New Years
Recep on for unit offi cers and their spouses, once a mandatory event in
formal a re, has changed over the years. Many commanders choose
to have their recep on on a day other than New Year‘s Day to allow
people to travel, watch football, or spend me with family members.
The loca on can vary from the commander‘s home to the Club or
Community Center. Par cularly, if held in their home, there may be a
staggered arrival and departure me to accommodate a large number of
You may also hear it termed a “We ng down”
This is a Navy/Coast Guard term based on the
tradi on of pouring salt water over new stripes on
the uniform to make them match the old tarnished
ones.
48
guests. Don’t be late and don’t stay past your allo ed departure me.
No hostess gi is necessary as an offi cial guest; however, a thank you
note is a nice gesture.
Check the invita on for appropriate a re, although it is usually
“Informal” according to the earlier A re Chart.
THANKSGIVING DINNER AT THE DINING FACILITY
This is a long standing tradi on to celebrate Thanksgiving together
as a unit. Typically, the Dining Facility is beau fully decorated for the
upcoming holiday season and Offi cers and NCOs dress in their service
uniforms to serve the service members and their families. O en there
is a staggered schedule for large units. It is a great opportunity for unit
fellowship as well as a reasonably priced full course holiday meal!
The commander’s New Year’s Day Recep on had its begin-
ning in France. The word “levee” means to rise in French. King
Louis XIV (1643-1715) would receive his male subjects in his
bedchamber shortly a er rising each day. The tradi on of the
Levee’ crossed the English Channel in the 18th century and be-
came a formal Court assembly or recep on. In the New World,
the Levee’ was held by the Governor on behalf of the Monarch.
A endance by leaders and public dignitaries were compulsory.
In Canada the Levee’ was held on New Year’s Day. In years
past, military commanders garrisoned throughout Canada held
local levees, since as Commissioned Offi cers, they act on behalf
of the Crown. In the United States, George Washington held
the fi rst Levee’ or New Year’s Recep on and it was considered
a very formal aff air. Foreign diplomats, the diploma c corps,
the Judiciary, the Congress, the army and navy, and represen-
ta ves from diff erent departments a end the event. Thomas
Jeff erson began the tradi on of shaking hands with each and
every visitor. Anyone could wait in line, enter the White House
and shake hands with the President. This was the beginning
of the social season in Washington. The tradi on ended in
1932 when the Hoover family le Washington for the holidays.
Historically this has been a male only tradi on but a er World
War II the military allowed female offi cers to a end the com-
manders New Year’s recep on.
49
CHANGE OF COMMAND RECEPTIONS
This func on is held directly a er the Change of Command. The
incoming Command Team hosts a recep on as an opportunity to
meet and greet members of the unit and their spouses. Usually you
are welcome to a end a change of command ceremony without a
specifi c invita on. However, be aware that a ending the recep on may
require an invita on. If you are unsure, check with your senior spouse
or representa ve. There is usually a receiving line and light food in
accordance with the me of day. (In the morning, there may be juice,
coff ee and breakfast type items such as sausage and biscuits, croissants,
etc.).
If you are incoming and hos ng the recep on, you should be involved
in loca on and menu plans. Find out what has been tradi on for
recep ons in the past. If the ceremony and recep on are in diff erent
loca ons, leave immediately following the ceremony for the recep on
and form the receiving line, so you are in place when everyone arrives.
The new command team’s children are invited to the recep on, but
unless guests’ children have been invited specifi cally, other children are
not to a end the recep on.
SPOUSE WELCOMES AND FAREWELLS
Spouses of senior military personnel in the higher unit command are
tradi onally welcomed and farewelled separately from the Unit Hail and
Farewell. The formality of the event will depend on how it‘s been done
in the past within that unit as well as what the desires of the honoree
are. Usually, they are held within the two weeks a er the Change
of Command unless there are extenua ng circumstances like taking
command during a deployment or during the summer months.
The reason a Tea or Coff ee is recommended as a Welcome is to allow
the Guest of Honor to circulate. A farewell func on need not always
be a Tea of Coff ee. It could be a Brunch, Luncheon, or Dinner based on
the preference of the Guest of Honor. Coff ee, tea, punch and nibbles
are served. There will probably s ll be a receiving line and guest book
to sign and dress would s ll be “informal” as described earlier. The
outgoing spouse does not usually a end a Welcome for an incoming
spouse. Consult the incoming or outgoing command spouse as to their
desires as to when, what type of event, and how formal.
50
TEAS
A tea is usually held in the a ernoon and is the most formal of day me
func ons. It is tradi onally given in honor of a person such as a
depar ng or incoming commander’s or senior NCO’s spouse. Coff ee,
tea, punch, cookies, and/or fi nger sandwiches are served. Formal
teas require the use of china, silver and linen. Expect to go through a
receiving line and to sign a guest book when you fi rst arrive.
Pouring Guidelines
Being asked to pour is an honor in American Society. Pouring at
a Tea is an honor because it provides an opportunity to see and
visit with a number of the guests as they ask you to pour for
them. That’s why the beverages are ranked: coff ee, tea, punch,
in that order.
Normally, pouring should be done according to the spouse’s
rank and date of rank, keeping in mind the rank ordering of
beverages (see above).
A pouring list can be compiled by considering either all the
guests who will a end (although the Guest of Honor is never
asked to pour) or only those from the hos ng group.
The pouring coordinator should ask spouses in advance if they
would do the honor of pouring. Each pourer should be told their
posi on, me to start and length of me to pour (this could be
anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes, depending on how the list is
done) and whom will follow.
Beverages at a Tea are “ranked”- coff ee, tea and
punch in order of importance. Some say that the
reason for this ranking order harkens back to the
tea taxes levied by the Bri sh prior to the
Revolu onary War making coff ee more popular.
When this tradi on was established, coff ee was
the most popular drink; more guests would ap-
proach the person pouring coff ee than those serv-
ing tea and punch thus the honored or most senior
guest would have the opportunity to visit with
more guests while pouring the coff ee.
51
Put a small card inconspicuously at each pouring sta on with
the schedule for that posi on. The pouring coordinator should
be familiar with the schedule so that if a scheduled spouse does
not arrive, another person can be ask to pour a li le longer or
make a subs tu on. Be fl exible!
A chair and cloth napkin should be provided for the coff ee and
tea servers and a napkin for the punch server.
It is not necessary to have pourers available un l the very end of
the Tea. As guests depart and the crowd thins, it is fi ne to stop
pouring (even if others are on the schedule). Leave the coff ee,
tea and punch on the tables for the remaining guests to help
themselves.
For Serving Coff ee and Tea
Sit at the table in front of the tea service, place a napkin in your
lap.
If you are serving both coff ee and tea, ask which the guest
prefers.
Pick up the cup and saucer before fi lling it.
Ask if the guest would like cream or sugar (for coff ee) or milk,
sugar or lemon (for tea). Milk should be used for tea because
the tannic acid in tea may cause cream to curdle. Anything
added is put in a er pouring the coff ee or tea. Sugar is put in
before cream/milk or lemon. A lemon slice, if desired, is put in
the cup, not on the saucer.
As a rule, the pourer does not s r the coff ee or tea (unless only
one or two spoons have been provided).
Hand the cup and saucer to the guest with the cup handle to
the guest’s right. Spoons and napkins are usually arranged for
the guests to help themselves. If not, put a spoon on the saucer
(if milk or sugar has been added) and hand it to the guest along
with a napkin.
If no one else checks on the supply of coff ee, tea, cream, cups,
etc., the pourer should ask someone to see that they are
replenished before they run out.
For Serving Punch
Stand by the table next to the punch bowl.
When someone approaches to be served, ladle the punch into a
cup held over the punch bowl. Do not fi ll the cup so full that it is
diffi cult to handle.
52
If the outside of the cup gets wet as you fi ll it, blot it with a
napkin. (Ladles seldom pour without dripping)
As you hand the cup and napkin to the guest, turn the cup so
that the handle is in a posi on for them to easily take it from
you.
Ask someone to check on the supply of punch and cups
periodically so that they are replenished before they run out.
UNIT HAIL & FAREWELLS (UNIT PARTIES)
Like the ―Dining-In, this is a func on of unity. These get-togethers build
unit spirit and camaraderie, and are successful only if everyone supports
them and par cipates in them. Unit members and guests share the cost
and planning of these get-togethers. They range from dinners at local
restaurants, to picnics and barbecues, to treasure hunts.
This is a me to welcome incoming members and farewell members
who are leaving the unit. As a general rule, this is a wonderful
opportunity to get to know others in the unit so use this opportunity to
mingle. Depending upon the type of event, children may or may not be
invited.
The Hail and Farewell is a modern equivalent of
“All Calls Made and Received.” Before World War
II, when the Army was smaller, the custom was for
a new offi cer or NCO and his wife to pay a social
call to the home of the superior offi cer. The Superi-
or and his spouse then later would return the call.
53
ENTERTAINING
We have looked at social func ons you may be invited to a end. You
may, in turn, wish to host one as well. Those you entertain may be a
mix of your spouse‘s military colleagues and their spouses, along with
friends, civilian guests and your own colleagues. Entertaining can help
foster friendships and feelings of family and is done for a variety of
reasons including celebra ng a success, boos ng morale during low
points, saying hello and goodbye, building friendships and camaraderie,
and most of all, for sharing and having fun. The most important thing to
keep in mind about entertaining is to be yourself. Entertain in a way that
refl ects your own personality, lifestyle, and budget. Entertaining does
not have to be about crystal and china!
PARTY PLANNING CHECKLIST
Ge ng Started
(1 month prior to party)
Determine the purpose of the func on (birthday, holiday,
morale booster, thank you, etc.)
Decide on the date, place, me, and style of the party. Make an
inclement weather plan if this is an outdoor party.
Determine the guest list. (neighborhood, unit, staff , etc.)
Decide on a budget. A successful party has li le to do with what
you serve. It’s more about how everyone interacted and the
fun!
Talk to a caterer, if need be.
If using a source of entertainment (DJ, band, bouncy house),
confi rm the availability and the price.
Picking Up Speed
(2-3 weeks prior to func on)
Mail or email the invita ons. It’s your party-use printed,
handwri en or e-invites, whichever you feel appropriate.
o Be sure to include who, what, when, where and why.
o Be sure to include if children are invited or not.
o Be sure to list the appropriate a re.
If catering is involved, fi nalize the menu.
Order specialty items. (Seafood, dry ice, etc.)
54
Preliminary Prepara ons
(1 to 2 weeks ahead)
Do preliminary housekeeping, especially me-consuming
tasks.
Make sure all appliances that you’ll be using work. If you are
grilling, don’t forget the charcoal or fi ll the gas canister.
Decide on recipes to use. Try to plan something that permits as
much pre-party prep as possible. Plan to prepare more food
than you need. It’s be er to have too much than too li le.
Make a grocery shopping list. Don’t forget the
matches, candles, drinks for the designated driver
and ice.
If possible, make food ahead of me and freeze it.
Stock the bar.
Make sure you have enough plates, cups, cutlery
and linens.
Order fl owers.
Decide on sea ng and serving space. Do you need
to rent chairs or tables?
Finalize head count with caterer.
If neighbors are not invited, let them know that a
party is going on a certain date.
Touch bases with entertainment.
Gearing Up
(2-3 days prior to func on)
Do the grocery shopping. A er shopping, recheck recipes to
make sure you haven’t forgo en anything.
If possible, set up serving tables and do a “dry run” laying out
serving pieces. Determine the traffi c fl ow.
Decorate, if this is a theme party.
Call caterer to make sure everything is a “go.” Confi rm set up
me.
Down to the Ni y Gri y
(1 day prior to func on)
Re-clean the house.
Prepare for a coat area.
Prepare as much of the food as possible.
Pick up fl owers.
Do I need nametags?
55
Party Day
Make sure bathroom has fresh towels, soap and adequate toilet
paper.
Set up music.
Take frozen foods out to thaw.
Prepare last minute foods. Clean dishes as you go to prevent a
mess a er guests have le .
Place your guest book out, if you plan to use one.
Chill the wine. Ice other drinks.
Make sure there is a place for your guest to dispose of
unwanted plates, cups, glasses or bo les.
Last minute panic a acks….
Be dressed one hour early.
Turn on porch light.
Light the candles.
Turn on the music.
Place food on serving tables.
Open the wine. Set out glasses and wine charms or stemware
labels.
Remember your party manners…
When the doorbell rings, you or your spouse should try to greet
your guests.
Introduce newcomers to those already there, or to a small
group.
Talk to each of your guests some me during the evening.
See guests to the door when they indicate they must leave.
Don’t close the door right away, but remain at the open door
un l they have walked or driven away.
TABLE SEATING
If you are hos ng a formal or offi cial event, sea ng is according to
precedence, or protocol ranking. See your unit protocol offi ce for
assistance in this case. For less formal and social occasions, these rules
generally hold true:
Tradi onally, the host and hostess sit at the head and foot of the
table. When they are friends with a number of the guests, they
may choose instead to sit opposite each other at the middle of
the table, where it will be easier for them to converse with more
people.
56
Men and women should be alternated at the table insofar as
possible and spouses are generally seated opposite each other.
Guests are o en seated according to the unspoken rank the
host assigns to them. The host “ranks” guests as he chooses,
basing his decision on age, social prominence, personal
accomplishments, and mutual interests shared by seatmates.
Profi ciency in a foreign language also comes into play when
foreigners are among the guests.
The overall goal is promote fellowship and good conversa on.
TABLE SETTING
The basic place se ng assumes that the meal will consist of salad,
bread, soup, beverages and a main course with dessert and coff ee
following (with the plates and cups being delivered to the table
immediately before serving).
Some simple rules for basic place se ngs:
Plates and Bowls
Dinner plates should be placed approximately 2 inches
from the table’s edge, centered on the placemat (if using
placemats) or squarely in front of each chair.
Soup bowls are placed on top of the dinner plate.
Salad plates are placed to the le of and just above the
forks.
The bread plate should be placed to the right and slightly
above the salad plate.
57
When serving mul ple courses, many hosts will opt to serve
them in courses and place only one or the other dish at the
original table se ng. For example, if soup will be served
fi rst, the soup bowl will be placed on top of the dinner plate
and the salad dish will be brought out a er the soup bowl
and spoon has been cleared.
Silverware
Silverware should be placed on the table in the order it will
be used; silverware that will be used fi rst should be found
on the farthest le and right sides of the plate.
Forks are placed to the le of the dinner plate; knives and
spoons go to the right.
Knives should be placed with their cu ng-edge toward the
dinner plate, except the bu er knife which should be laid
fl at on a bread plate.
Utensils should be about 1/2-inch away from the plate or
each other, and they should also be lined up evenly from
their bo oms.
Avoid placing more silverware than the meal calls for.
Dessert silverware can be originally placed at the table
se ng if you wish. The dessert fork or spoon should be
centered above and parallel to the dinner plate.
If you will be serving dishes that require specialty silverware,
be sure to arrange the silverware on either side of the plate
according to the order in which they will be eaten.
Cups and Glasses
Water glasses should be placed above the dinner knife, with
other drinking glasses arranged neatly nearby the water
glass. O en drinking glasses are arranged in a triangular
forma on.
Coff ee cups and saucers may be placed on the table to the
right of the knife and spoon.
Other Items
Napkins are commonly placed on the plate, to the le of the
forks or inside of a drinking glass.
Name cards are always a good idea for place se ngs, if
the dinner party is large. Place the card above the dessert
utensil, to the le of the drinking glasses. Conversa onal
forms of address are usually used. Depending upon the
table confi gura on, it may be useful to include the names
on both sides of the card.
58
The “b and d rule” can help in a pinch if you are either se ng a table
without reference material or a guest wondering which bread plate is
your own. Take your index and thumbs of both hands with all other
fi ngers extended straight up. You will see the “b” and “d” form. The “b”
stands for breads and corresponds to the le hand of your dinner plate.
The “d” stands for drinks and corresponds to the right hand of your
dinner plate.
59
HOSTING A COFFEE
This me held tradi on has evolved over the years. For many years,
this tradi on was reserved for offi cer‘s spouses. Then, it evolved to
include senior non-commissioned spouses as well to form a more
cohesive team and promote unity to support military families. And,
now, families receive unprecedented and regular support through their
Family Readiness Groups and senior spouses are busier than ever. This
makes it more diffi cult to set aside me for senior spouse camaraderie
and Coff ees have a less prominent stature. If held, these are usually at
Ba alion, Brigade, and some mes, Division level.
If you are a coff ee host/hostess, keep these points in mind when
planning:
Make sure you have up-to-date contact informa on for all
spouses included in the Coff ee. Consider the tradi ons of the
unit and ask the senior spouse while developing your invita on
list. It has become increasingly common to email invita ons
but check with the Ba alion commander‘s spouse/rep to see
how they are usually sent (mail, unit distribu on etc).
Check with the senior spouse before sending out invita ons.
Make sure your date and me coordinates with her calendar.
Consult with him/her on the agenda. Find out the order of the
evening; when to conduct any business, have the program, and
have refreshments.
You may want to ask if there are any other people you should
invite. It may be the norm to include the CSM‘s spouse, female
offi cers, brigade commander‘s spouse, or non-commissioned
offi cers‘ (NCO) spouses.
Find out if it is your responsibility to provide a door prize. This
tradi on will vary for each group.
Invita ons, fl yers or email should be sent out about two weeks
in advance.
Remember to include either a R.s.v.p. or regrets only date. It
is perfectly all right to contact those who have not responded
by your set date. You could say, ―I just wanted to make sure
you received your invita on. They may not have received the
invita on or it simply slipped their mind.
Coff ees can be as simple or as fancy as you choose to make
them. Most of the me desserts or nibbles and cold beverages
are fi ne. Although called ―Coff ees many don‘t drink it in
60
the evening. It is fi ne to have a pot on hand (decaff einated is
probably preferable during the evening hours).
You can host a Coff ee in your home or off site at a local
restaurant, spa, bookstore, etc.
When entertaining, remember to have fun and once again, be yourself!
Each family has a style that is comfortable for them. Don‘t be concerned
that the ―BBQ in the backyard will fall short. Your guests will be
happy for the chance to get to know you be er and have a good me.
Successful entertaining begins with the willingness to extend hospitality
and to open your home to others. The expression “prac ce makes
perfect” is truly relevant; the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
If children are included, it is a nice gesture as host to have age
appropriate ac vi es to keep the children entertained; however,
that does not relinquish the guest’s responsibility to provide proper
supervision throughout the event.
TECH ETIQUETTE
The way we communicate with each other has changed dras cally in
the past 25 years. Phone calls were normally made from your home, the
only address you had was your physical home address, and invita ons to
social and offi cial func ons were on sta onery and mailed. Our op ons
are much broader today, yet formal, specifi c protocol guidelines have
not caught up with technology. When in doubt, check with your local
protocol or execu ve services offi ce. The following are some sugges ons
compiled from various sources – protocol experts, protocol offi ces, web
e que e sites, and protocol books. For further informa on, see the
Reference sec on.
CELL PHONE
Emilypost.com gives the Top Ten Rules for Cell Phone Use:
1. Control your technology, don’t let it control you!
2. Speak so ly.
3. Be courteous to those you are with; turn off your phone if it will
be interrup ng a conversa on or ac vity.
4. Watch your language, especially when others can overhear you.
5. Avoid talking about personal problems in a public place. Do you
really want everyone to know why you’re going to the doctor?
61
6. If your cell phone must be on and it could bother others, use the
vibrate mode and move away to talk.
7. Don’t make calls in a library, theater, church or from your table
in a restaurant.
8. Don’t text during class, a social event, or a mee ng.
9. Private info can be forwarded, so don’t text it.
10. NEVER drive and text at the same me.
EMAIL
Netmanners.com gives helpful ps on using email:
- Do not type in all caps. It is o en perceived as screaming or
yelling.
- Always fi ll in the subject line. Let the receiver know what the
email is about.
- Refrain from forma ng your email with colored text
and background colors or images in your day to day
communica ons. These may make it more diffi cult for some to
receive your emails.
- Use Blind Carbon Copy (BCC). If sending out to a large group,
BCC the addresses for the privacy of others.
- Before forwarding, check your facts. If you are forwarding an
informa on email, check snopes.com to be sure it isn’t a hoax
and you are not misinforming others.
- No address or phone number. Unless you know the receiver is
reputable, don’t put your personal informa on in the email.
- Don’t respond immediately to a nasty email, or at all. Give
yourself some me to decide whether to respond or not. If you
don’t have something nice to say, hit delete.
- Private email is considered to be copyrighted by the original
author. Don’t forward, copy or paste an email without the
author’s permission
- Keep a achments as small as possible. Some receivers may not
have the ability to open large a achments.
SOCIAL MEDIA
(Facebook, MySpace, Blogs, Twi er, Photo/Video Share Sites,
Discussion Boards, Chat Rooms, Skype etc.)
Social media sites have made it easier to connect with our loved ones
away at war, or family members across the country. O en they have
become our primary means of communica on. However, just as family
62
members were told in World War II, “Loose lips sink ships!” we have
to be concerned with informa on that we our broadcas ng about
ourselves and our loved ones.
OPSEC: OPera ons SECurity. The defi ni on of OPSEC can be summed
up as the intelligence collec on of cri cal informa on about ongoing
opera ons to include loca on, movements and personnel numbers.
This informa on can be useful to our enemies foreign and domes c.
They can analyze the informa on, piecing together informa on that will
assist their cause. Think about it as pieces of a puzzle, that when put
together create a whole picture.
PERSEC: PERsonal SECurity. DO NOT post personal informa on about
yourself anywhere on the internet. Don’t list your address, phone
number, place of work etc.
Personal Use: Many of us have become complacent with social media.
We discuss when we are going on vaca on, going shopping, or even
going to the hair dresser. We believe that only our “friends” see this
informa on. That isn’t always the case. Here are some basic common
sense guidelines for pos ng:
- Don’t chat or “talk” with someone unless you know them in
real-life. Anyone can make up an alias online.
- Don’t “friend” people you don’t know or everyone that sends
you a request….if you don’t socialize with them in real-life,
you don’t have to online. It can be diffi cult if a senior or junior
spouse sends you a “friend request.” One way to politely
decline is to inform individuals that you use social media to
keep in contact with far away family members. Don’t feel guilty
about declining requests!
- Set preferences to private, but remember there are always
individuals out there that know how to get around privacy
se ngs.
- Don’t post confi den al informa on like date of birth, bank
informa on, or credit card numbers.
- Watch what you say online. Ensure what you say/write is
representa ve of who you are and how it will be perceived.
Anything you type can be cut, pasted, copied and forwarded.
- Remember that comments and pictures of your friends can also
be perceived to be your own.
63
- On most media sites, anything you post becomes the intellectual
property of the site.
- ALWAYS log out!
Unit Use (FRGs, Spouses Groups, Rear-D): The same informa on
as above is applied. In addi on to keeping it professional, keep all
informa on per nent to the organiza on.
The Army now has its own social media sites which can be found at
armyonesource.com. These include a site for your unit’s Virtual FRG
(V-FRG), and the Army’s version of Facebook and youtube, the Virtual
Resiliency Campus, and others.
If you choose to use Facebook for your unit’s virtual communica ons,
you can now register your page with the Army atwww.army.
mil/socialmedia. Registering has advantages such as having the
adver sements removed from the sidebar of your page.
For the latest up-to-date informa on on social media and the Army,
consult The United States Army Social Media Handbook at h p://www.
slideshare.net/USArmySocialMedia/army-social-media-handbook-2011.
64
PERSPECTIVES ON INTERNATIONAL ETIQUETTE
With the importance of the joint and interna onal environment, we
feel it is important to include basic informa on about interna onal
customs and e que e. There are many respected resources and books
on the subject of interna onal protocol and e que e, but following
submissions are the verba m unique personal perspec ves and opinions
of Interna onal Fellow Spouses. You will no ce that we are all not so
very diff erent!
Country: ALGERIA
Contributed by: Sabah Smahi
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Algerians greet each other by saying “salam aleikoom” (peace upon
you), and if you meet your friend with others and you shake his hand,
you must do the same with all the others.
Man gree ng Man - Men usually shake hands when gree ng one
another. Good friends and family o en kiss once on each cheek.
Handshakes tend to be warm and may linger a bit. If you do not know
someone at all or are in a formal se ng, a hand shake or a simple nod is
appropriate.
Woman gree ng Woman- A light handshake is common during ini al
mee ngs. Good friends and family usually greet each other with
kisses, once on each cheek. If you do not know someone at all or are
in a formal se ng, a hand shake or a simple nod is appropriate. When
gree ng friends, it is common to ask how the family is doing and touch
on other general topics.
Gree ngs between Men and Women- A simple handshake is common
during ini al mee ngs. It is best to allow the woman to extend her hand
or off er her cheek fi rst. If the hand is not extended, than a slight bow
or nod is the polite thing for men to do. Good friends and family usually
greet each other with kisses, once on each cheek. For women visi ng
Algeria note that religious and conserva ve men may do not shake your
hands, this is not a sign of disrespect but quite the opposite. If you are a
man avoid prolonged eye contact with women and do not ask personal
ques ons.
65
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric on,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
People are fl exible with me but try to not be too much late. As most
of Muslims the restric ons are alcohol beverages, pork meat or pork
sausage.
Algerians love both hospitality and food. If you are invited to home
consider it an honor. Remember your host will more than likely be a
Muslim so there are some ini al facts to be aware of:
- Don’t bring alcohol
- Men and women will be seated separately. (it depends on the
occasion and how large is the audience)
- Dress modestly and respec ully (especially women not wear
short skirts or ght pants)
Other ps include:
- When you enter a room and meet people always greet the
eldest fi rst, then move around the room from your right gree ng
people individually.
- It would be polite for a woman to off er to help the hostess with
the prepara on/clearing. This will most likely be declined, but
the off er will be appreciated.
- There are several ways of dining such as si ng at low couches
around a big table or on mats on the fl oor around a low table.
- Wash your hands before and a er the meal.
- Some dishes are usually eaten by hand using pieces of bread.
- Couscous is eaten with a tablespoon.
- If in doubt follow people si ng near you.
- Only use the right hand for ea ng and for passing dishes.
- You will be urged to take more food. Try and start off with small
por ons so you can take more from the main dish and appear to
have eaten a greater quan ty.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Algerians don’t o en eat outside their homes, It happens by weekends
or when far from home. Tips are 10%, no taxes or charges.
Personal space: (how much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Algerians are generally quite close to each other when speaking.
A bit less than an arm’s length is normal. This space tends to be
66
greater when interac ng with members of the opposite sex and
less when with members of the same gender.
Touching is acceptable if you know the person otherwise,
touching is reserved for family and good friends.
It is common to see members of the same gender holding
hands or walking arm in arm in public. However, public display
of aff ec on between opposite genders is usually looked down
upon heavily in most areas.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost, etc)
Gi giving is a part of Algerian culture that is used to cement
rela onships. The gesture of giving is more important than the gi . In
social se ngs some of these ps may come in handy:
- When invited to an Algerian’s home, bring pastries, chocolates,
fruits, or fl owers.
- Children will always appreciate sweets!
- Do not bring alcohol.
- Gi s are not usually opened when received.
- Give gi s with the right or both hands.
Religious Beliefs and customs with regard to celebra ons
Food Customs at Ceremonial Occasions: Religious holidays are o en
celebrated with special foods. For the birthday of Prophet Muhammad
(PBUH), a holiday called Mulud, dried fruits are a common treat. During
the month of Ramadan, Muslims refrain from food and drink during
the daylight hours (Avoid smoking, ea ng or drinking in public places
during the me of Ramadan.). Each evening a er the sunset, the fast is
broken with a family meal. Eid al-Fitr, the fi nal breaking of the Ramadan
fast, involves consuming large quan es of foods, sweets, and pastries
in par cular. Two months later Muslims celebrate the Great Eid by
making a sacrifi ce (slaughtering a sheep). Remember Fridays are a
Muslim holiday so most companies will be closed. (Friday prayer is in the
a ernoon and it lasts about an hour)
Unique customs or other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc)
Names and Titles: The use of tles is important in Algeria due to the
hierarchical nature of the society. When introduced to someone, try
to call them by their honorifi c, professional, or academic tle and their
67
surname.
As most people speak French and Arabic tles may be in
either languages. Common tles are “doctor”, “professor”, and
“lawyer” in English or “docteur”, “professeur”, and “avocat” in
French. Some religious scholars may be called “Sheikh”, elders
are respec ully called “hadj” related to people who went to the
holy city of “Mecca” and made pilgrimage.
Algerians tend to be somewhat direct in their communica on
style but are not confronta onal. One should never cri cize
another publicly as it can cause shame on oneself and one’s
family. In these cases an indirect style is more appropriate.
Avoid talking about poli cs, sexuality, and religious issues un l
a stronger bond has been established, and even then tread
lightly. Good ini al topics of conversa on include sports, family,
Algerian music, food, and culture.
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
No specifi ed and based on Religion and tradi ons.
What ques on do you have about American customs?
None
The Rela onship
The importance of personal rela onships cannot be underes mated.
Always invest in building trust and rapport. You will no ce that
Algerians do not leave a great deal of personal space between each
other. Preserving honor/reputa on is important. Algerians will try to
preserve their reputa ons telling people what they think they want
to hear even if it is not the truth. It is important to bear this in mind
when communica ng with Algerians, i.e. do not cause them to lose
face especially in public. Within Algeria the “you scratch my back and I
scratch yours” mentality works. Try and do favors for people as this will
mean they owe you one back.
Food in Daily Life: The na onal dish of Algeria is couscous, steamed
semolina wheat served with lamb or chicken, cooked vegetables,
and gravy. This is so basic to the Algerian diet that its name in Arabic,
“Ta’am”, translates as food. Common fl avorings include onions, turnips,
raisins, chickpeas, and red peppers, as well as salt, pepper, cumin,
68
and coriander. Alterna vely, couscous can be served sweet, fl avored
with honey, cinnamon, or almonds. Lamb also is popular, and o en is
prepared over an open fi re and served with bread. This dish is called
“Mechoui”. Other common foods are “Shorba” or “Harrera”, a spicy
soup; “Dolma”, a mixture of tomatoes and peppers, and “Boorek”, a
specialty of Algiers consis ng of mincemeat with onions and fried eggs,
rolled and fried in bu er. Strong black coff ee and sweetened mint tea
are popular, as well as apricot or other sweetened fruit juices.
Country: BULGARIA
Contributed by: Aneliya Hristora
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
When we meet we usually shake hands. We kiss and hug only very
close friends and rela ves. Farewells are the same. We wave when
the person is far in the distance. It is considered impolite to point at
strangers.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
We usually invite people orally- no wri en invita ons are needed when
it is informal between friends. Some mes it happens spontaneously
without being scheduled in advance. When somebody comes to our
house (I mean friend, neighbor, acquaintance) without invita on he/
she is welcome. We usually express our gra tude for the person orally,
wri en form is usually excep on, very rare. There are meal restric ons
depending on the person, their religion, diet, health, etc.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Personal space should be decent and reasonable.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
Usually people bring fl owers, chocolate candies, a bo le of wine. If it is
a special event or celebra on the present is costly.
69
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
It is not obligatory or an e que e to leave ps, but if you are sa sfi ed
with the service you can do it. Tax is included in the bill. In some
restaurants service tax is also included in the bill.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
We have a lot of name’s day celebra ons. On that day you don’t invite
people. They just come to your house and you treat them and celebrate
together (people are usually friends, colleagues, rela ves, neighbors).
We have day of the wine (FEB 14), Grandma Marta’s Day (MAR 1),
Interna onal Women’s Day (MAR 8), Fool’s Day (APR 1), Easter Day
(We color eggs with diff erent colors and crack each other eggs to see
who is the winner.) We have lots of rituals connected with spring and
fer lity – Kukeri ,Lazarov’s Day in spring, St. Konstan n and Helena(MAY
21)- nes narstvo (fi re dancing), Enov’s Day (JUN 24) – herbs are most
powerful. Christmas – Koledari.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Christmas me children usually go to the neighbors’ houses with
beau fully decorated cornel-tree s cks to pat gently on their neighbors’
backs singing and wishing them health and prosperity. The people
(usually children) are called “koledari.” They receive sweets, candies,
and fruit. They sing “surva, surva, Godino…” (It is very Old Bulgarian,
and it means Happy and prosperous New Year.)
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
Country: Canada
Contributed by: Rhonda Macaulay
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Generally, we greet each other with a “gentle” hug. Kissing on both
cheeks is done mostly by Canadians of French descent.
70
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
We have no restric ons on food generally, and prefer to be on- me or
even a bit early.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
No preference.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
A bo le of wine and/or fl owers are considered great hostess gi s.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: ((For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Nothing to note.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
Chris an – celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
Country: Chile
Contributed by: Monica Hernandez
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Women always greet with a kiss on the cheek even when it is the fi rst
me you meet them and men shake hands with other men. Gree ngs
include a hug and a warm smile
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Arrival mes : fi een minutes expected unless it’s public transport
(planes, buses,metro)
No specifi c restric ons (everyone chooses what they eat)
71
If casual invita on, is verbal.
If formal invita on, is wri en (or printed)
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Unnecessary contact is avoided, and with an unknown person not too
close.
Same for si ng.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
The invited person always brings something (chocolate, wine “Chilean
wine’, fl owers).
Depend on the importance of the mee ng.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: ((For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Ea ng hours are late compared to the USA. (E.g Dinner around 9pm,
Lunch 2pm)
Tips is 10% recommended, no specifi c regula on.
Taxes are always included in all prices (Price tag)
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
Around 80% are Catholic.
Main celebra ons are the Catholic calendars.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
A barbeque is the usual weekend mee ng with either friends or family.
When needed, we are very formal.
We are also very hospitable.
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
“Manual de Carreno” (Carreno’s Manual)
72
Country: El Salvador
Contributed by: Besy de Campos
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
When it is the fi rst me we meet, we shaking hands. We usually kiss
each others in the chicks one me, when we say hello or goodbye
between women and between man and woman but never between
men. To point someone it’s a bad habit it’s be er not to do it. We wave
hands to say bye.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
For par es, birthday etc. we wri en invita ons, where it is me, place,
date and the reason of the invita on. We o en try to be on me but no
always do it; we always have me to start the party but never to fi nish
the party.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Nobody pay a en on to that. We are very close people.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
We give gi s for birthdays, weddings, baby shower, Christmas, etc. we
don’t have a typical cost depend on what you want to give.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: ((For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
We use to pay p for services it is 10%, but it is no mandatory. We also
pay a tax call IVA for all the things we buy, it is 13%, but IVA it is included
in the fi nal price.
We have 3 meals a day, in the morning depends on the work could be
between 6 and 9 am, lunch at 12 noon or 1 pm, and dinner about 6 or
seven in the evening.
73
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
Religious beliefs and customs with regard to celebra ons:
Catholics: 51%
Protestants: 39%
Other religions: 9%
No religions: 1%
The biggest celebra ons are Christmas and Easter week, in this week we
remember the passion of Christ.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
We follow the interna onal e que e rules established.
What ques ons do you have about American customs?
Why some mes north American’s are not so friendly with the
foreigners?
Country: Indonesia
Contributed by: Ida Farida
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Generally men/women greet with handshakes when they fi rst met.
Women greet with a kiss on the cheek if they have known each other.
Men greet with a hug if they are close. Gree ngs include a warm smile.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Arrival me normally 15 minutes prior.
For non Muslims, it’s be er not to serve pork or separate it on other
table and inform the Muslim guest
For formal event, need wri en/printed invita on.
For casual event, invita on is not required in wri ng but only by calling,
email or talk directly to your friends or rela ves.
74
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
For known people not so close and not far, just normal space and
comfort for each other.
For unknown people, is be er not so close
Same for si ng
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
Depend on the purpose of the mee ng/invita on
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: ((For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Ea ng hours are normal.
Breakfast 7-10 am
Lunch 12-2pm
Dinner 7-9pm
Tips around 10% recommended but no specifi c regula on.
Taxes are included in the prices.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
About 90% are Muslims
Generally, celebra on is started with praying in Islam way, except in
some region where Muslim is minority such as in Bali, Manado and
Papua.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
For very formal celebra on, wear tradi onal dress such as for na onal
day or wedding party.
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
Indonesia handbook, Vol 3 by Joshua Eliot, Liz Capaldi, Jane Bickesteth.
Go to Indonesian website or Google.
75
Country: Italy
Contributed by: Silvia Longo
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Gree ngs are enthusias c yet rather formal. Once a rela onship
develops, air kissing on both cheeks.
Italians usually shake hands with direct eye contact.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Punctuality is not a preroga ve but it is not true that Italians show up
o en late. Normally Italians do not have meal restric ons. Wording of
invita ons is similar to the American one.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Italians are used to being crowded and working in close proximity to
each other. So , they are comfortable at 31 inches. If you retreat from
such a posi on, Italians will think you are avoiding them or that you fi nd
their physical presence distasteful.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
Gi s are usually opened when received. If you bring wine, make sure
it is a good vintage. Do not wrap gi s in purple, as it is a symbol of bad
luck.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: ((For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
They have lunch around 1.00 pm and dinner around 8.30pm. When they
invite people, especially for dinner, they love to spend me and stay ll
late(as late as possible/convenient).
No ps for services ( with some excep ons).
Taxes or charges are normally included in the price/bill.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
The primary religion in Italy is Roman Catholic although church
a endance is rela vely low, the infl uence of the church is s ll high.
76
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Italians like to share details of families, vaca ons, hopes, aspira ons,
disappointments and preferences.
They are not very chauvinis c and do not automa cally believe that Italy
and Italians must be best.
They are not par cularly sensi ve or touchy, they are fl exible.
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
There is no specifi c book. You can fi nd several good books on “Galateo”
(Rules of E que e) and many interes ng, specifi c courses.
Country: Japan
Contributed by: Idogawa Tomomi
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Gree ngs – Bow or slight bow
Farewells – Bow with waving hands
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Use chops cks for every meal. When you serve steam rice, you never
put your chops cks straight! (only for dead person). There are so many
customs and manners for chops cks.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are
standing? Si ng?)
You do not want si ng or standing by someone too close.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
In general, inexpensive gi for both host and visitor. Consumable items
(wines, cookies, fruits)
77
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Typical family eat breakfast at 7am, lunch at noon, and dinner around
6-7 pm. When ea ng out, no pping necessary. However, expensive
restaurants demand extra charges.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
We respect each religions and do not discriminate others.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
You must take off your shoes when you walk inside of the house.
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
-
What ques ons do you have about American customs?
Why American keeps their shoes in the house?
Country: Korea
Contributed by: Soyeon Kim
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Normally we bow to each other. If a senior want shaking hands we can
but never one’s junior ask that to older man.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
-
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
We have distance 2 or 3 steps of each other.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
If you are invited by a Korean family, prepare some fruits, cake or liquor.
And fl ower is good.
78
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
In my country, p is not an obliga on. If you want you can give some p
(normally 5 -10 dollars per table). And no tax and off er free side dishes
and dessert.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
-
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
At the entrance of the house, take off shoes.
If you sit down in front of a senior (older men), sit kneel down.
(When you sit on the fl oor)
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
Ugly Koreans Ugly Americans by Min Byoung-Chul.
Country: Malaysia
Contributed by: Intan Zakaria
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Handshakes are commonly exchanged. However, some women may
not shake hands with men. Therefore, it is be er for the men to wait for
the women to extend her hands fi rst. In absence of handshakes, a slight
head nod and a smile will do.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
For casual se ngs, a delayed arrival of up to 10 minutes is s ll
acceptable.
Do not serve pork and alcohol to Muslim guests.
For formal invita ons done in wri ng/printed, it is important that
professional tles (professor, doctor, engineer) and honorifi c tles are
used.
79
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Generally, casual acquaintances stand about 2-3 feet from one another.
Touching is inappropriate between the opposite sex unless between
families.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
If invited to someone’s home for dinner:
-Never give alcohol to Muslim host
-Cakes and chocolates are appreciated
Generally, gi s are not opened when received.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Tipping is not common, but some mes given when the service is
extraordinary good.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
Malaysia is a mul -cultural society. The main ethnic groups are the
na ve Malays as well as Chinese and Indians. Majority are Muslims
(60%) followed by Buddhist, Chris ans and Hindus. All are free to
prac ce their own religion. Celebra ons include Eid (Muslim), Lunar
New Year (Chinese), Deepavali (Hindus) and Christmas (Chris ans).
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Malaysians do not wear shoes inside their houses. Shoes are taken off
and le at the door upon entering the house.
80
Country: Morocco
Contributed by: Loubna Serghini Idrissi
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Between woman : Kissing twice
Between men and women : If women is wearing veil, say hi. If not, shake
hands.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Arrival mes: exact me or +10 minutes
Meal restric ons: Pork, wine, alcohol
Wording of invita on: Not very formal, it can be done orally.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Standing and si ng: Normal distance but never touching the bodies
especially between diff erent sexes.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
It depends on the previous gi s received. The gi should be at the same
level or higher.
If we are invited for a meal, it can depend also on the number of our
party. Typical cost from $20-$60.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Meal mes : Lunch 12 noon – 2pm
Dinner 6.30 – 9pm
Tips for services : not mandatory
All taxes & charges are included in the price.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
Islam
Customs : Exchange visits, send congratula ons, phone calls, wear new
dresses.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Assalamualaikum (Gree ngs)
81
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
None
Country: Netherland
Contributed by: Anne e Rietdijk
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Kissing 3x on cheeks. Gree ngs and goodbye. Male handshake.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Arrive on me, there are no na onal restric on to ea ng, only
individual. Use the US invita onal terms, they are ok with the Dutch.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are
standing? Si ng?)
Lowest personal space in the world, 62 cm = 3 feet.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
Lots of money is always good
We like fl owers too.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: (For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Holland normally do not p big, it is included in the price in Holland.
Waiters receive a good salary already.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
All religions are represented in Holland.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
Quite relaxed people, keeping your promises is highly appreciated.
82
Country: TURKEY
Contributed by: Umran Gor
Gree ngs/Farewells/Gestures: (For example: kissing, shaking hands,
poin ng, waving, etc.)
Generally both men and women shake hands. In mates can also
embrace and kiss on both cheeks. At departure waving hand is
common. At fi rst mee ng shaking hand is necessary and enough for
gree ng and farewells.
Entertaining: (For example: arrival mes, dining/meal restric ons,
wording of invita ons, etc.)
Embracing two mes is common at arrival mes. During the mean,
the older, senior person, or the guest sit, is served and start ea ng.
The guest should report the area 10-15 minutes before the beginning.
Arriving a er the older or the senior person is perceived impolite and
crude. Offi cial invita ons are made by wri en invita ons cards.
Personal Space: (How much space between people when are standing?
Si ng?)
Generally speaking, up to 15-17 inches distance is perceived as a private
space, a er 20 inches, it is perceived as social space.
Gi s: (For example: giving and receiving, hostess gi s, typical cost,
etc.)
Offi cial gi s consist of symbolic and spiritual items, such as pen, book, or
emblem of the units. During friendly visit, both personal and household
item can be presented. The gi must be opened at the very me it has
been given. Flowers are a good choice for presenta on to ladies.
Ea ng out, pping, and other charges: ((For example: meal mes, ps
for services, taxes or charges, etc.)
Breakfast is at 06.00 – 08.00 am, lunch is at 12.00 – 14.00 pm, and
dinner is at 06.00 – 08.00 pm. Generally, the host pays the check, but
sharing also appreciated among friends. The checks include taxes. The
ps are up to the customer, there is no regula on on it.
Religious Beliefs and Customs with regard to celebra ons:
Sacrifi cing animals such as sheep, cow, bull, or ram, or wordin a short
prayer are common.
Unique Customs or Other informa on: (For example: special phrases,
etc.)
We take off our shoes in our houses. We don’t sit cross-legged with the
83
older or senior individuals. When an older or senior enter the room, we
stand up.
Reference books for protocol and e que e in your country: (For
example, we use Emily Post’s E que e)
For civilian life, we have several wri en documents, but no specifi c one.
For military life, we have books issued by Chief of General Staff HQ.
84
RESOURCES
Books, Handbooks, Guides, Presenta ons
Department of the Army Pamphlet 600–60: A Guide to Protocol and
E que e for Offi cial Entertainment
The Air Force Wife Handbook, A Complete Social Guide. Ann Crossley
and Carol A. Keller, Pub. By ABI Press, Sarasota, FL.
The Army Wife Handbook. Crossley, Ann and Carol A. Keller, Second
Edi on, Pub.by ABI Press, Sarasota, FL.
“Protocol for Senior Spouses,” Presenta on by Lisa Lawrence at Senior
Spouses Leadership Seminar, Army War College, April 2011.
Le a Baldrige’s New Complete Guide to Execu ve Manners. Le a
Baldrige, Macmillan Publishing Company, 1993.
The Art of Gi Giving. Dawn Bryan, Bantam Books, Inc. 1987
Emily Post’s E que e - A Guide to Modern Manners, 14th ed, Elizabeth
L. Post, Harper & Row Publishers, 1984
Service E que e, Fourth Edi on. Oretha D. Swartz, Naval Ins tute Press,
1988.
Dinner is Served. Arthur Inch and Arlene Hirst, 2003.
The Display and Use of the Flag of the United States. The Ins tute of
Heraldry, US Army.
Just a Note to Say…the Perfect Words for Every Occasion. Florence
Isaacs, 1995.
How to Sayt It. Rosalie Maggio, 1990.
Honor & Respect – The Offi cial Guide to Names, Titles, and Forms of
Address. Robert Hickey, 2008.
85
Complete Book of E que e, A Guide to Contemporary Living. Amy
Vanderbilt and Le a Baldrige, Doubleday & Company, Inc., 1978
Prac cal Protocol for the Military & Government. James W.
Peterson, JMAR Management and Training, Web Site: h p: //www.
protocoltraining.com.
The Fine Art of Business Entertaining. Valerie Sokolosky, Valerie and
Company, 1994
Crane’s Blue Book of Sta onary - The Styles and E que e of Le ers,
Notes, and Invita ons. Steven L. Feinberg, Doubleday, 1989.
Protocol -The Complete Handbook of Diploma c, Offi cial and Social
Usage. Jane McCaff ree and Pauline Innis, Devon Publishing Co., 1985.
Corporate Protocol - A Brief Case for Business E que e. (Second
Prin ng). Valerie Grant-Sokolosky, Honor - A Division of Harrison House.
Protocol, Customs, and Courtesies: A Prac cal Guide, Air Command and
Staff College, August 1991.
Today’s Military Wife,5
th
Edi on, Mee ng the Challenges Of Service Life,
Lydia Sloan Cline, Stackpole Books.
The Once Over, Lightly. Bibs Reynard. Anniversary Edi on, 13
th
Prin ng.
Carlisle, PA: The Printed Image.
Army Offi cer’s Guide. Lawrence, P. Crocker. 45th Edi on. Harrisburg,
PA: The Stackpole Company.
McMurry, Jane Hight, The E que e Advantage, 1
st
Edi on. USA: Stellar
Publishing, 2002.
Armed For Entertaining, “At Ease” … A Crea ve Guide. Joint Spouses’
Conference Hawaii.
86
Websites
Army Social Media Handbook. h p://www.slideshare.net/
USArmySocialMedia/army-social-media handbook-2011
Military Community and Family Policy: Social Media Guide.
www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil/
h p://www.ushistory.org/betsy/faq.htm#q031
h p://www.ushistory.org/betsy/fl age q.html
www.usfl ag.org/fl age que e.html
h p://www.ediplomat.com/nd/protocol/diploma c_protocol.htm
h p://www.cyborlink.com/
www.Militaryonesource.com
www.Emilypost.com
h p://allrecipes.com//HowTo/table-se ng-101/Detail.aspx
h p://www.brightse ngs.com/Setup-Tableware.html
www.Netmanners.com
AFMC, Wright-Pa erson AFB, OH, h ps://www.afmc-mil.wpa .af.mil/
HQ-AFMC/CV/cvp
“The Air University Protocol Handbook for the Air Force Spouse,” Web
Site: h p://www.au.af.mil/au/protocol
